Wow, apparently I have managed to NOT write on my blog AT ALL in the last 3 weeks. Right after I set it up , a friend told me that blogging was addictive. I seem to be suffering more from distraction. When I've thought about my blog, I start towards it, but get sidetracked reading other people's blogs. My poor little blog is just sitting there being neglected wondering why I never spend any time on it. I am wondering when I will have the time to work on writing, and the answer is probably when I set aside the time and just do it.

But, my blog is not the only thing I'm neglecting. There's also that Etsy site. OK, I know I said I'd have it up and running in a week or so. I did do the set up, I got that far. I also collected a couple of cute things, and took some pictures. Then, I got sidetracked again, and onto other projects that distracted me from figuring out shipping, and listing and all those little details that you have to do before you can actually sell anything. When I do go onto Etsy, I start looking at other people's shops, and eat up all my free time wondering how I'm going to get my pictures to look that good, and how those models manage to keep those “I am so much more beautiful and cool than you could ever be” looks on their face. I mean, I don't think I can pull that off. But, at least I've been getting inspired. Not by the models- although they are amusing. I'm being inspired by all the fabulous things people create. There is a lot of talent, and a lot of wonderful ideas out there.

Now if I'd just get quit being such a sidetracker, I could manage to create some lovely things myself.

Etsy Inspiration

Thanks to the inspiration from another artist mama friend, I am opening an Etsy shop to sell my handcrafted clothing and accessories, as well as vintage goodies I find. The shop is the perfect excuse to make time to create art; wearable and otherwise more often. I used to make and sell jewelery and clothing on a fairly regular basis, and my kids are now big enough to keep busy, help create, or at least not eat the beads used in my creations, so it's time to get busy and use that Fashion Design and Merchandising education that's been getting dusty in a closet. It also eases some of the guilt associated with purchasing yet another fabulous wool coat or embroidered purse when I have a closet full. If I buy it for myself, it looks bad, but if I buy it for my Etsy shop, I am a business woman helping contribute to my family, while offering to share beautiful treasures with other people. And, if something I love that happens to be in my size doesn't sell, then darn, I'll have to keep it for myself.

The shop should be up and running within a week or so, but the set up process has given me some eye opening information. Apparently, I am vintage. Now, I usually associate the term “vintage” with something my great grandmother might have owned, but apparently vintage is something 20 years or older. Since I graduated high school in 1989, this makes my 80's teen style vintage. Ouch.

I'll be sure to post when my shop is open for business, but in the mean time, check out my friend's fabulous shop- http://www.rubymanchester17.etsy.com/

Pulling Weeds

I have pulled a whole lot of weeds in the last few days, and my hands are showing the evidence. I've tried using gloves, but they always end up with dirt on the inside somehow, which is really annoying to me, so I just go without. As a result, my nails are stained no matter how I try to get the dirt out from underneath them, and my fingers are calloused and scratched. My hands are looking and feeling a bit manly, but at least they are small, and not hairy.

Every time I go out, I pull, and I pull; it's sort of addicting, but the weeds seem to keep coming. Someday, I have faith that the plants of my choice will crowd out those grassy weeds that produce fox tails and other irritating stickers which eventually end up stuck in the feet, ears and coats of my animals, causing problems and spreading into more weeds. In the mean time, I pull, trying to catch them before they go to seed, trying to pull when the ground is still soft from recent rains. I plant new baby vinca, poppies, rosemary and sage to fill in the weedy ground. When I throw the weed clots over the fence, the goats come running. Depending on their moods, they will devour them, or snub them. Whatever they ignore, the chickens peck and scratch through. I'm glad they are enjoying my weeding, and turning it into a feeding. Nature is so resourceful.

Spring!

Spring is in the air! I love this time of year, and it's promise of new beginnings. It's amazing- a little rain, a little sun, and viola- little green grassy shoots pop out of what was rocky, dusty hillside last summer, and what was muddy muck a few weeks ago. The wildflowers are starting to bloom, and so are the trees. My allergies might start kicking up anytime, when the pollen starts joining the spring in the air, but I still can't help loving the beauty of the season. It's so full of hope, and these days we could all use a little hopefulness. The sight of a tiny dandelion that forced it's way through a crack in the pavement to spread its' leaves, open its' petals and bloom always makes me smile, because life goes on, no matter what. Those pretty and resilient little weeds remind me of what a wise woman told me years ago, during a really dark period of my life. She said, “You've got to bloom where you're planted honey.” And, she was right.

life lessons

My kids had some hard life lessons this week. Everything seems to be working out in the end, but there were some emotional roller coasters, and disappointment along the way. As a mom, it's hard to witness your little one's go through legitimate disappointment, because there isn't a lot you can do about it. Sometimes other people flake and even if you are working hard, one person can spoil a group project if they don't follow through. After a whole lot of hurt and angry feelings, it was good to see that most folks can actually be counted on, and that some will go through a whole lot of extra work to make things happen. I was feeling a little nervous for a bit though, and like the world is in big trouble if I am one of the most responsible ones in it.

I should also note that I was going to try to give up being negative for Lent, but I am not having much success at this point. In fact, the first day, I was put to the test, and failed miserably. In my defense, it is hard to remain positive when your kids are getting hurt by other people's actions. It brings out the angry mama bear in me, and anyone who knows my temper knows that it can be a bit fiery to say the least.

On top of it all, I am getting sick- sore throat, no voice, headache, nausea etc. The blessing is that I have a cozy bed, and a laptop computer, as well as plenty of hot tea, a stack of good books, and even some Seinfeld reruns to watch later. Laughter really is very good medicine, and cute kids who provide room service ROCK!

Cozy Mornings

The weather outside is frightful. We are finally getting the rain we so needed, and with it plenty of wind and cold. At least it is warm and cozy inside.

I am sitting under my comfortable covers slowly drinking a hot coffee, and being thankful for this life. While I do need to motivate myself for the day, I am pretty darn lucky to be able to lounge late, read books for hours in front of the fire, and play board games late into the night. Someone was just telling me how hard they thought it would be to homeschool, and have that responsibility. Yes, it can be a challenge at times, and is certainly a responsibility, but the thing that most people don't realize is how incredibly freeing it is for a family to march to the beat of their own drummer. Lately, our schedule has been a little fuller than I would like, but it is full of good things. They are activities we have chosen, and it's amazing how kids and adults alike are motivated when it is something they actually want to do. And, most of the time, we are all having fun and learning a ton. The kids just finished their cereal, and on today's agenda is writing a letter to the new president before we go to bowling later.

I for one am optimistic about our new president. It should be interesting to see what the kids come up with to say to him.

Doors and Windows

They say when a door shuts in your life, a window opens. Well, it seems like a door has just slammed in my face, and knocked me upside the head in the process. I guess I should not have jokingly complained about the inconvenience of working one night a week because it's come back to bite me on the rear. The childbirth classes I taught those nights are actually my favorite part of my job. They started out of a program I created to help empower women and families in the childbirth year. Many people don't realize how many choices they have in regards to their births, or their children. They don't know they can ask questions, make decisions, or trust themselves and their instincts. Originally, the project was funded through a grant, and then picked up by the public health department. Over the last five years, we've helped hundreds of families with education, encouragement and support. Last week, I learned we will be part of the budget cuts everyone is suffering from these days.

Times are hard, and lots of programs are being cut. It's hard to say that our program is more important than other programs, but I will say for sure that we do make a difference. People are more likely to make changes in their lives around the time of a babies birth. Women are more likely to quit smoking, drinking, and start eating well and getting healthy when they are having a baby. Why? Because it's not just about them anymore. It's about the baby. Even fathers and grandparents are more likely to improve their lifestyle when a new baby comes- for the baby. And when that baby starts their life in a healthier home, they are going to be a healthier person in the long run. Preventing problems is cheaper than treating them, and it starts in the home. First 5 has put out plenty of research on early brain development that backs up my maternal instinct which says bonding with babies is important.

I know I have seen the difference our program has made first hand. No, we didn't change the world, or the system, but we did support a lot of people in doing their best with their families. We've seen mothers as young as 14 decide to breastfeed even when it wasn't easy, and to continue their education. We've seen young father's make a commitment to support their child financially and emotionally. We've seen grandmother's decide they would help their grandchildren have a better life than they were able to give their children. And each one of these people matter.

I think the thing that set our program apart has been the personal touch. We connect with people and support them, not as experts talking down to them, but as peers who happen to have some expertise in the area of childbirth and breastfeeding. I am pretty confident that some of the positive changes we have seen happen have been because of a personal connection with the families. A brochure or poster or even human contact in a clinical setting just isn't the same.

So, while I'm bummed for myself, and the fact that my hours have been cut, therefore my pay will go down, and my favorite part of my job is gone, I am more concerned for the people who are having babies who are not going to make any personal connections because they are lost in a big system of impersonal agencies.

So, that's the door in my face. I am looking for the window. Perhaps it is in freeing up time to put into my children and other pursuits like writing, art, dance and music. Hopefully, the breeze will start blowing through the window soon, letting me know what direction to look into.

Home Sweet Home

I wrote this and meant to post it almost two weeks ago, but somehow I got sidetracked and completely spaced it. Oh well, better late than never I suppose...

January 22, 2009
It's good to be home
Our vacation was just the right length of time. We were still having fun, not getting sick of anyone we were visiting yet, hopefully not driving our hosts crazy yet, and just starting to miss our animals when we started home.

And it is good to be home. We've been on a bit of a whirlwind since we got back, without much actual time at home though. So to spend a day off at home today, and pretty much throw out expectations of accomplishment was nice. We really are blessed with a wonderful home- not the house itself- it's a mobile home almost as old as I am- ugly as can be on the outside, but with plenty of room inside. Actually, the outside is improving. I decided the kids and I would cover up the ugly prison gray corrugated metal siding on the back with a mural. The front of the house has a big covered porch, and the two sides have roses or other big bushes to cover up the ugly. I have tried to grow plants up that back wall, but it is full Southern exposure, and so blasted hot in the summer that everything just burns to death before it grows more than a foot tall. So, we are painting a big, eclectic mural with aliens, a bear, chickens, trees and flowers. We have no plan really. We're just painting whatever strikes our fancy as we go along. I figured that this is the perfect time in our lives to do this. Someday, if we build a new house, it probably won't be mural with kids material, but what we have now was just calling out to be beautified. What I really think makes our home wonderful is certainly not the building itself though. It's the quiet and space of being on 6 acres, the goats and chickens doing their things in the pasture, the dogs and cats who want to play or be pet, the creek flowing, the warm wood stove and all the games and musical instruments and arts and crafts and books to keep us busy.

It's finally raining, thank God. It's been unseasonably warm here, but I'd rather see the rain. 70+ degrees in January is lovely and all, especially when you think if the ice storms and 20 degree days back east, but we need this rain. The grass in my poor overgrazed pasture needs it. The creeks, rivers, and the lakes really, really, really need it. I for one, am so very, very glad to have it here.

Vacation

I do love vacation. A person can really get used to the idea of lounging on beaches and eating all day. We are in the last half of our week in Oceanside visiting family, and enjoying sunny southern California. I have been very impressed with how much the town of Oceanside has cleaned itself up since I lived in the area fifteen years ago. It used to be quite the gang banger scary town with graffiti and garbage galore. But, as happens to coastal property, rich developers stepped in and bought all the land, mowed down the cute old houses, and put in expensive condos. It's too bad there isn't some regulation protecting the historic houses (although I guess the 1950's era is not really considered historic) as they had character the new condominiums certainly lack. But, the clean beaches, and ability to walk down the street and actually make eye contact with people who aren't going to beat you up and take your money is an OK trade off for cute old houses I suppose.

Yesterday, my kids had surfing lessons with my younger brother Luke, and thought it was the coolest thing ever. They tried a bit the day before, but even though the air temperature was almost 80 degrees, the water was frigid. So, yesterday we rented them little wetsuits, which only added to the coolness factor of the experience in their eyes. They were so cute out there, and so much more comfortable that they could stay out for a really long time. Luke was a great sport, and I'm glad he made time to get in the ocean and play.

Today, we hit LegoLand. Just before I moved away from Carlsbad years ago, they put a measure on the ballot regarding rezoning to bring in LegoLand. I was so animately opposed, I mailed in my ballot against it. I recall thinking that it would ruin Carlsbad, lead to crowded overpopulation and misery. Maybe Anaheim was a nice place to live before Disneyland came too? But, the measure passed, they built it, and it didn't really ruin everything. The crowds would have come anyway. This is California after all. Now, I have kids who really want to go, and I actually think it looks pretty fun too. When Henry found out that there were people who worked there whose sole job was designing things with Legos all day- it was like he was having an epiphany. His face lit up and he said “You mean they do that for their job!?!” I think this may really open up his choice of career fields.

Belly Dancing

Three mornings in a row, I have forced myself from the comfort of my warm and cozy bed, where I could happily lounge the hours away reading. Rather than goofing off with my lap top, and say, watching old videos of Snow Miser and other television holiday specials circa late 1970's, I am using it's capabilities as a research tool. I'm learning about belly dancing online, and hopefully improving my fitness and my mood at the same time.

I tried a shimmy, a camel walk, and Egyptian arms. My hips and knees crackled, as if laughing at me, but I kept moving anyway. A few years back, when I was about 31, and was trying an adult ballet class, I asked the teacher about the popping noises from my joints. Her reply started with “As we get older...” and she lost me after that. I prefer to think of it as a lack of use, rather than an old age issue. I can work on increasing the usage of my body, but there's not a lot I can do about the fact that I'm not 21 anymore. I actually take a lot better care of my body now than I did then, that's for sure.

As with most things that involve coordination, belly dancing is not as easy as it looks, and I am not renowned for my grace. In particular, there is this element of isolating particular body parts inherent in the art of belly dance. So, you are only moving for example just your head or hips, and the rest of your body stays still. Well, it's supposed to be still anyway. I haven't quite gotten that down yet. My body tends to move as a package, flailing through wherever I go. This isolation bit is a discipline that may take me a while to master. For now, I am afraid I look roughly somewhere between someone having a seizure, and Elaine dancing at a party in one particular episode of Seinfeld.

But, I have faith. I will get better I'm sure. I may never look like the women putting out the videos, but that's OK. That isn't really what I'm shooting for. I'm having fun and learning something new, and that feels good.

Speaking of the women in the videos, I must mention that I was refreshingly pleased to see a wide variety of shapes and sizes. Fitness in general, and dancing in particular, can often be the turf of the stick figure, but there are some real women out there who can do a mean shimmy.