Some People Hate Children

It's one of those things you know, but probably choose not to think about. Sometimes it seems obvious by the dirty looks you get when accompanied by a tired, whining child in public, but it's not often that someone comes out and says it.

I would hope that most people actually like children, especially those who choose to have them or be around them. I think often times, the disapproving glances are by people who either haven't been around kids in a while and don't remember theirs ever acting up, or by those who just aren't enjoying whatever loud child's behavior is interrupting their day. It's not kids in general they dislike- it's public tantrums.

But, there are a few people out there who for some reason other just hate children. I know because I came across one in Seattle in a mall. I was with a friend who has a large family and I had my own 2 kids along as well. We had been dragging 7 kids around the city for hours and hours, through miles and miles of attractions, all on little food and no rest. It was hard enough on the big kids and adults, but for the little ones, it was a mammoth day.

Normally, neither my friend or I would recommend such long and hard days for kids under 5, but we only had a couple of days to visit and a lot to see. The city is easier to get around in if you just park and use public transportation and your own feet. So, coffee for me and kind words for the little ones and we barreled on through the day.

As we climbed yet another set of stairs, and made our way through a massive crowd, one of the younger kids began to whine softly. This was far from a full blown kid fit. It was more of a whimper that he was tired. His mom was packing his two younger siblings- one on the front and one on the back- in a sling. I was about to tell him that I'd give him a lift on my back as soon as we got through the mass of people when a very unpleasant young woman in her early twenties- a large woman with a crew cut and hard features who looked like she could be a bouncer at a bar- moved right past and said plainly "UGG- I hate children."

For some reason, in the moment, this made me laugh out loud. I just looked at her, shook my head and laughed. I kept moving and keeping track of the little guy in the midst of the sea of bodies until we broke into a clearing.

When I told my friend, she was mortified and offended. I was too, but I was also semi- amused that this seemingly bitter and miserable woman seemed to think it was acceptable or even cool to state her opinion. I mean, who says that kind of thing? We wondered if the woman also hated puppies.

My two semesters of psychology classes kicked in and I came up with possible theories about her aversion to young people, but none of them were nice and I'm not qualified to make them anyway. Besides, unlike some people, I try to occasionally use my filter when it comes to saying what I think.

Maybe she was just having a really bad day and didn't mean to say it so loudly, although it seemed like an almost boastful voice she was using, like hating kids was going to make her popular or something. Maybe someday she'll grow up and look back, repentant at what a mean young thing she was. I know I have a few instances I look back on and cringe myself. If she doesn't change her mind, I just hope she never has kids and keeps her toxic attitudes away from them.

Has anyone else ever run into someone who blatantly expressed their dislike for something so personal as your kids? How would you handle such a thing?

Too Much TV?

I've never been a big fan of TV.

OK, that's not true. I actually grew up glued to a screen, and a ridiculous amount of my brain space is taken up by commercial jingles and sitcoms from the late 70's and early 80's. If there were ever a random trivia contest where I could win a million dollars knowing the dialogue for every Brady Bunch episode, it's quite possible that I'd be rich.

In college, I would fall asleep watching reruns of shows that were older than me, but when I eventually grew up and had kids of my own, I questioned the constant presence of television. Perhaps it was partially maternal instinct, or maybe it was an effect of granola crunching area I lived in at the time. In any case, I sensed that TV and kids weren't a good mix.

As a semi-self righteous new mom, most of what I saw on kids TV seemed relatively brainless or obnoxious, and I really had no desire to defile the brains of my offspring with such garbage. I eventually succumbed to the lure of the small bit of freedom and time that a PBS Kids show or two could buy me, but it was very, very limited. Plus, I recalled my marketing classes, and the "whine factor" that companies wanted their toys to create, so I stuck with no commercials at least.

For the most part, I've managed to be a TV snob for the last 14 years. We managed to live in a happy little box of our own with very little TV influence for a long, long time. Of course life changes, and so do things, especially things I get on a soap box about.

Lately, some of my days involve so much driving and running around that we are exhausted and brain dead when we get home. Now that winter has finally hit with a vengeance, we have times of being cooped up and feeling lazy. We have a house full of creative materials, which we use, but within a couple of hours, the inspiration or motivation runs low, and it's too cold, too rainy and overall too nasty to go outside. Then, I start thinking about the rot box.

Boy Child is always happy to turn it on, while Girl Child is more likely to be checking the handy function which will tell us exactly how much screen time we've had in a day, week or whatever, and informing me of it.

It never seems like it's been on as long as it has, which is probably how people end up watching the enormous amounts of TV you hear about in statistics. In my defense, we're nowhere near the national average, and it's usually educational-ish, so I can at least count some of it as homeschooling, but still....it's TV.

After years of (sort of smugly) saying "We don't really watch TV," I'm wondering if I can still honestly say that anymore. I don't think watching a documentary is the same as a reality show, but technically, we're still staring at a TV screen. Since the handy screen time tracking feature has shown that we do in fact, use the TV more than ever, I guess I should probably at least lose the raised nose / downward cast glances about the subject.

Parents in general, and homeschooling parents in particular seem to swing widely in opinions on TV. Is it a tool, or is it trash? How much is too much? Does it interfere with more creative endeavors? Does it increase bad attitudes and materialistic envy? What does your family do when it comes to watching? Since the box is obviously open for good in my house, I'd love to hear how other parents deal.

Complaints

An old acquaintance of mine posted on Facebook the other day about an interesting challenge she, along with her yoga class buddies, are taking part in.  The goal is to stop complaining for 21 days. Of course, I immediately responded with how much I love this idea, but I also acknowledged that it seemed fairly unlikely that I could pull it off. I almost went on to complain about how hard it would be to not complain, but I deleted that part before I hit enter.

She definitely planted a seed in my mind though. I’ve been thinking a lot about complaining, and how much I dislike listening to and being around people who do it excessively. They’re depressing and negative and just suck the joy right out of a room. Then, I started thinking about how much I complain.

Since self analysis isn’t really all that fun, and it looked like it could be rather unflattering in this case, I decided to do what I always do.  Start googling.  I read that most people complain 15 to 30 times a day. When I think about it, I could probably complete that quota before noon, especially if I’m gabbing with my friends. If I get on a roll about things that annoy me, I can probably shoot off 15 complaints in an hour, easy. 

I like to think that I focus a lot of my complaining into sarcastic humor, which is better than just plain old negative complaining, since it often results in laughter, but is it really any better? It’s still negative and unpleasant, and it puts my focus on what’s wrong, not what’s right.

I know complaining effects me and my loved ones in unpleasant ways, which is why I love the idea of stopping so much. It rarely makes anyone feel better, well except maybe for a few minutes while you initially vent, but in the long run, the more I complain, the more I end up focusing on the down sides of my life, and that really just makes me less happy.

As I was sitting here debating ways to cut back on my own complaining, one of my dogs came over wagging and wanting to go out. In getting up to open the door, I spilled the entire contents of my fresh, hot, milky, sugary coffee all over the bed, soaking through every layer of blankets, and losing my delicious cup of morning yum. If that’s not easy fodder for complaining, I don’t know what is. It is taking all of my morning reserves to just let it go, and throw the blankets in a pile to be washed. Ranting isn’t going to get the laundry done, right?

That’s another thing about complaining. A lot of the time, we’re moaning about things we have no power to change. What’s the point in that? Misery? When it comes to things we do have the power to change, we’d probably be more successful in changing them if we actually did something besides sitting around whining. I could be complaining about my coffee and the blankets, or I could be getting a new cup and starting the washer.It depends on what I want more- to prolong my misery or get caffeinated. I'm going with choice #2.

 
Although I’m pretty darn good at complaining myself, I know I’m not the only one. As a culture, we’re fairly addicted to it. We like to compete about who has the busier schedule or the worse day. Once one person starts, everyone around starts groaning about their own woes. When you think about it, all that clinging to misery and pride in the greatest hardships probably qualifies as a mental health disorder. Of course, I’m not a mental health professional or in any way trained to make a diagnosis, but it seems pretty crazy to hang on to unhappiness. Maybe it’s just easier than dealing with taking responsibility.

 There’s even a website devoted to trying to make a complaint free world. They offer widgets to help you track your progress and bracelets you can wear as a reminder, switching wrists every time you complain, with the goal of going 21 days without switching. Again, that sounds mammoth to me, especially when you realize that every time you mess up, you start your 21 days over. Seriously!?

Like most things, the theory of not complaining is much easier than the reality of it. The woman who started me thinking about this with her challenge said that she feels it’s mostly about awareness. I agree that’s a great start. Just being aware of our thoughts, words, and intentions makes a huge difference because all of those things add up to subconsciously program who we are.

As a mom of ever growing kids, this really matters. They’ve always paid attention and reflected what was going on around them, but the older they get, the more they really watch and analyze the things the adults around them say and do. My attitude, positive or negative really sets the tone for the whole family. I know the more I complain or the grumpier I am, the worse off everyone around me is. It’s true that if mama isn’t happy, nobody is going to be.

As usual, for parents, it’s about so much more than just us. The fate of our households rest on our attitudes (no pressure or anything.) I'd love to hear how other people deal with complaining in their families- from both the adults and the kids.

I don’t think I’m quite ready to do a 21 day complaint free challenge- the thought actually gives me heart palpitations and immediately furrowed my brow. If my forehead crease gets any deeper, I’ll have even more to whine about, so I’m trying to avoid the stress of the “big challenge.” I am however up for being aware, and trying to avoid complaining thoughts and words as much as I can. I’m considering trying to tally all of my complaints for a day, just to see where I’m at at. 

I’m sharing the idea with my kids, but I think that even if they don’t consciously attempt it, there will still be a ripple effect from any positive strides I’m able to pull off. That's my positive thinking side in action. On the other hand, I'm still skeptical that I could be totally complaint free, ever.... (my less positive side is still alive too) 

Not everybody is cut out to be a spiritual master, but I'm hoping I can at least be less crabby as we head into the holidays. Imagine if we all cut our whining by 10%. I think we'd be more than 10% happier, though there's really no way to measure.


For now, I'm off to make more coffee and start my massive pile of laundry (and I'm conciously not complaing about it.)

Dinosaurs and Crazy Ladies at Lake Powell

Oh how I wish that I could spare my children the experience of coming across unpleasant people, but the world is full of them, so I can't.


When we left Utah, and headed back into Arizona on our way to see the Grand Canyon, we decided to stop and spend a few days at Lake Powell. It looks like a place that would be twelve thousand degrees in the summer, in which case we probably would have kept on driving, but it was spring, and except for the wind, the weather was quite lovely and so was the lake, so we stopped.

The Visitor Center at Glen Canyon Dam was well worth a visit with gorgeous views and interesting exhibits about the history of the area, the dam, the river and the really cool rare dinosaur that was discovered near there a few years ago. The land in this area is now barren desert, but was once under the ocean, and is apparently a hotbed of action for paleontologists, rock hounds, fossil hunters and the like.


A few years back a group of scientists and volunteers was exploring nearby in southern Utah and one of the amateurs came across a bone during his break. It turned about to be a previously unknown dinosaur called Therizinosaur, also known as the sickle claw dinosaur. I suggested that the sickle claws were used for harvesting wheat, but apparently the experts feel that disemboweling dinner was a more likely use.

There is all sorts of mystery surrounding this creature such as what exactly it was, how it got to be there- a land animal in the middle of the ocean, how it died, etc. It was cool to see the replica of the skeleton, along with other fossils and footprints from nearby, and it gave us a great chance to think and talk about the way science is not ever really a finished deal. Humans are always learning and what is thought to be certain in one age can change with the next new discovery. It's all about educated guesses based on evidence, but as long as we keep exploring, we'll keep finding new evidence.


We decided to do some exploring of our own with some hikes near the lake before we found a camp site. The wind was something fierce, so we opted not to camp in the open lakeside area, but instead at an RV Park in the nearby town of Page. I wasn't thrilled at first as it was not very scenic, and was clearly not geared towards tent campers (we were the only ones there,) but at least the sites offered some shelter from the wind. I became a bigger fan of the place when we found the indoor heated pool and hot tub, and decided I could do with a second day of relaxing before moving on. We made use of the electrical plug in where I could charge my phone and laptop, the laundry and showers, and Boy Child was thrilled that we had an excellent tree to climb.

When we returned from a wildflower hike, a look at the beautiful horseshoe bend in the Colorado River, and some shopping the next day, we found we had several tent camping neighbors. The sites were clearly separated, so we still had plenty of our own space. Everyone seemed quiet and friendly and after more swimming, we headed to bed.


Sometime around 1 am, I awoke to the sound of one of our new neighbors who was having a rambling and clearly drunken conversation. Since tent fabric is far from soundproof, I could hear every painful detail of the drama between this mother / daughter pair who really should have been in a counselors office. I was very, very glad that my kids were asleep and not hearing about all of the childhood traumas the daughter was ranting about, or the mothers foul mouthed reply. Every time I would think they had passed out, the daughter would start yelling / slurring at her mother, "Enlighten me mom- WHYYYYYYYY did you do that?" The mom denied everything and blamed it all on an absent father. All I could think was, "Holy cow, I'm gonna really have to make sure to not mess up that badly with my kids."

Eventually, my kids woke up, and were like "What the heck is with those people?" Their eyes were as big as saucers because they haven't had a lot of exposure to the daytime TV talk show crowds. So much for my attempts to shelter them from weirdos.


By this time, we all had to pee, but there was no way we were getting out of the tent with those two lunatics out there. I heard another camper shout at them to be quiet, but they were on a roll. Finally, the mom mumbled something along the lines of , "If I don't get some sleep, I'm gonna go get someone's gun."


Well, I have only called 911 once before in my life, and that was to report a car accident on the freeway, but when a crazy drunken lady mumbles the word gun, and her crazier daughter won't shut up and let the woman pass out, my fingers flew.

I have to hand it to the Page, Arizona police department. They had about 6 cop cars there in no time- just lights, no sirens thank goodness because it was like 3 am. The crazy ladies went silent as soon as they saw flashing lights, and hid out in their tents not making a peep. Another camper came out and told the cops which tent contained the ruckus makers. The officer was not at all like the typical TV cop who would whip out his gun and scream "Get on the ground!" Instead, he was more like a psychiatrist, all calm talking and keeping the ladies settled. He gave them a strict talking to about their behavior, made sure there were no weapons and no one was getting in any cars. We decided to sneak out and head to the bathrooms while the cops were still there, just in case the drama started back up, but luckily, the rest of the night was quiet.

The next morning, we were really surprised to see who these loud mouthed, drunken wackos were. They had a nicer, cleaner, newer and more expensive car than us, and what looked like brand new tents. They sat at their picnic table drinking coffee, looking a bit tired and camperish, but otherwise pretty normal, all acting like nothing even happened. We were all baffled because they way they had acted the night before, we would have expected a rougher looking bunch.


In any case, my Girl Child kept wondering "Why on earth are these people out camping together?" I didn't know... maybe an attempt at a Mother's Day bonding trip? I think we learned a couple of lessons out of this one. You can't judge a book by its' cover, and it's usually better to work out your issues now rather than holding on to them for years until you finally blow your top. Oh, and also, excessive alcohol consumption is not a pretty sight.


Other than the early morning drama fest, we enjoyed our stop at Lake Powell, and I just keep reminding myself and my kids that there are more good people in the world than nut jobs.

Nipple Nazi? Really?

I've just finished an intensive Lactation Educator training, that took up a huge chunk of my last week (hence the lack of writing) and gave my brain an overload of information. It was a great thing to see nearly 70 other women and one lone male from at least 4 different counties there to get current education to help moms and babies get off to a good start (although there were a few who clearly were forced into the training by their employers, but that attitude was uncommon by far.)

The training was full of new information, some things I never would have thought of, and some things I already knew in my heart, but now I have the science to back up. Some of the medical aspects such as diseases and abnormal conditions were rather scary. Although, if the idea of breasts being referred to as "pendulous" was shocking to me, I imagine it disturbed the token male even more so.

The component on working together as professionals brought out a few things that never cease to surprise me. For example, there seem to be people who choose to go into the field of caring for birthing women and their babies, who don't really seem to like birth (which can be loud, messy and unruly) or babies (who tend to be needy and cry a lot.) Perhaps they go into it for the money, but I am equally surprised and saddened when some of these people seem to resent other people in adjacent jobs who actually do like helping the moms and babies. They have a whole list of derogatory names for breastfeeding advocates. I know we've been called "the boob ladies" by random men at community events, but when healthcare professionals call names, it kind of puts a different spin on it.

A nurse at a hospital (that is more known for it's NICU than it's baby friendly practices) said she was very shocked when she made her first referral to the Lactation Consultant for a patient who was having a hard time getting her baby to latch on. Some of the other nurses began to groan "Oh no, not the Nipple Nazi." Seriously? Helping a woman prevent sore nipples, and a baby get nutrition is similar to mass murder? Really?

Apparently, they felt that the woman who was specifically trained to help in this situation was a Nazi because she was "always trying to get people to breastfeed when it really wasn't a big deal to just supplement." The fact that the "Nazi" had thousands of hours of training specifically in this area of expertise, that the supplement in many cases creates additional problems, and that their own job protocol included helping breastfeeding mothers actually succeed did not seem to be a part of the equation. I know it can be hard to learn to do things differently than we have in the past, but it is after all a part of life, and in this case, being current in the field of medicine is their job. I could understand the bad rap if the consultant was gruff or rude or aggressive with the mothers, but that doesn't appear to be the case. I don't think it was the consultants' demeanor, just the fact that she was messing with the good old way of doing things.

Now I've met a quite a few people in the lactation business, and most have them have been pretty loving and kind people- the kind of people I'd want supporting me if I had a new baby and was having a hard time. I've never met one who was rigid, or mean, or in any way trying to make mothers feel guilty if they chose to give up. They usually seem like people who actually just want to help.

That's not to say that the mothers who give up don't feel guilty- they often do, but not because the lactation consultant made them. Mother guilt is pretty strong in our culture, and we all feel bad when we are unable or unwilling to accomplish something that we know would have been good for our babies.

I realize that working at a breastfeeding support center, some people automatically consider my coworkers and I members of the Breastfeeding Police. I don't know whether to laugh or cry about that. I am a woman with a less than quiet manner, and an expressive personality in most of my life, so I have to tone down my natural self in my work. I do try to be professional, but more importantly, I hope I am able to be kind to my clients more than anything. Having a baby is not always easy, and the mamas deserve some TLC. My co-workers happen to be some of the sweetest women around though. Someone once described my supervisor who had helped her try to breastfeed her baby with Down Syndrome by saying "I wish I could take that woman home with me and have her be my children's grandma." I'm thinking that doesn't sound like Nazi material...

Working with the general public, most of us realize it takes all kinds of people to make up the world. We try to support people wherever they are at, knowing that most people are genuinely trying to do the best they can for their babies. I've met some women who try so hard, doing all the right things, and it just never seems to work. My heart breaks for them, and I always make sure they know what awesome mamas they are. I've also met women who give up on the first sign of trouble or inconvenience, and a few who just don't seem to care. Sometimes it's not easy when someone tells you they prefer formula because their baby rarely poops when they drink it, but I still don't try to make them feel bad for constipating a baby on purpose. I try to give them info on bonding while bottle feeding because in the end, I'm not there to judge anyone, but I am there to be an advocate for the baby.

Discussions were had over fear of making mothers feel guilty. Although no one would feel bad telling a pregnant woman that smoking could harm her baby, and encouraging her to quit, for some reason telling a mother the truth about formula and breast milk, and trying to help her breastfeed is off limits for some. I'd think in both cases the approach would be what mattered.

Everyone knows that we're supposed to eat lots of fruits and vegetables and exercise regularly, but most of us don't do that either. I don't think we have the overwhelming guilt about it though. Why? Maybe because there is something so personal about our babies, and our mothering. We love these little people, usually more than we love ourselves, and we so want to do a good job, that it's really hard to hear messages about things we didn't do. Even when the bearer of the message is kind, they still represent something, and in some cases, I think it is regret.

Most people are not going to respond well to a guilt trip, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve factual information to make an educated choice for their family and professional support when they need it. I wonder how many moms have received bad information that led to problems or made them worse, and grieve over the fact that they feel ripped off? I've met a lot, and that makes me angry, not at the moms, but at the fact that the bad advice is so prevalent, at the culture that makes it hard, and at the formula companies for their sneaky and deceptive marketing.

I've been vocal in my criticism of formula marketing in the same way that I'm critical of tobacco marketing. That doesn't mean I'm judging all smokers or formula feeders- I have friends and family who have been smokers, and I know wonderful mothers who have formula fed.

Perhaps the name callers have met some overly enthusiastic breastfeeding advocates? I guess I have trouble picturing a military policing attitude being the norm in the field, but I'm sure there are exceptions.

In any case, I think it's a reminder for everyone who deals with now moms to make sure we treat every one of them with respect, no matter her choices. I am thankful to be able to say that I think the ladies I work do. They are about the farthest thing from Nazi's I can imagine. I agree with the woman who wanted to take home my supervisor- these are the women that I would be glad to have be the aunties and grandmas to my own kids.

Love

It's Valentines Day, and for weeks the sellers of candy, flowers and jewelery have been reminding us to show our loved ones how much we care by buying them stuff. Even though I hardly watch any television, I think I've probably seen a hundred sappy jewelry store ads this month, all of which my kids and I have mocked terribly. It's hard not to make fun of the syrupy sweet version of love depicted this time of year. Even though we rotate between laughing at and gagging over mushy romance, I really don't mean to sound cynical, or to pass my cynicism on to my kids. I believe in love, and enjoy a little romance myself. But what is love really about?

We Americans are brought up on a lot of myths of love, and I think it makes relationships more confusing and difficult. The happily ever after stories of childhood turn into the overly dramatic and constantly changing relationships on TV, and Neither of these extremes are healthy or realistic. Rarely does a charming prince come save the day so the couple can live happily ever after. Equally rarely do reality television shows, sit coms or popular dramas portray healthy long term relationships.

The sad thing is that I don't think many people have actually had healthy role models of loving, lasting relationships to learn from in real life. Those who have are lucky. I'd guess a lot of people are just winging it, and basing attempts at relationships and happiness on media stereotypes. That probably leaves a lot of disappointed and / or divorced people.

The reality is that no relationship is happy all the time, and the grass isn't always greener somewhere else either. Rather than being dependent on someone else to feel complete, knowing how to be happy alone or together probably helps too. Buying jewelery is great, but it can't replace being nice, and showing respect on a regular basis.

A few disappointing Valentines Days in my life may have added to my natural cynicism, and increased my mockery of this holiday of romance. One favorite memory is of a year when I was a teenager recovering from a recent breakup, I wrote a letter to a friend about the woes of VD. Her mom found the letter, and was very upset, mistakenly thinking VD was referring to venereal disease rather than Valentines Day. That still makes me smile, and in perspective, made my single, heartbroken teenage Valentines Day not look so bad- at least there were no diseases involved.

I have also had plenty of Valentines Days that were wonderful, and made me think, and probably act, like a silly, romantic pre-teen girl. On good years, my dear husband has treated me to romantic cabins in the snowy mountains, rooms overlooking the ocean, candlelit dinners, flowers, and even jewelery. Of course, since I accidentally sucked up one of the diamond earrings he bought me with a vacuum, I have not been given jewelery again. Maybe that's why I mock the jewelry commercials- because I know my jewelery days are over due to my terrible housekeeping. At least I still get chocolate.

This year for Valentines Day, we sent the kids to their great Grandmothers, and had a long walk in the woods, a delicious steak and shrimp dinner, a few too many daiquiris, some good adult conversation, and watched a few movies the kids would not be allowed to see. Grown up time is a good thing. I really think we need to do this more often. It's no jewelery commercial, but it is enough to help keep the flames from being smothered anyway.
 
I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentines Day. Whether it's full of flowers, candy, and jewels or not, hopefully, it will be full of love. I'd love to hear how others celebrated with their loved ones this year.

Personality

This past semester, my online psychology class through the local college had us take a personality test- or rather "indicator", not a test. They are clear that there are no right or wrong answers- it's a bunch of questions that are supposed to help you identify your personality traits, and hopefully this information can be helpful in choosing a vocation, lifestyle etc. that is suited to your temperament. The internet is full of such tests, and plenty are free.

It certainly made me think a lot about myself, the way I homeschool, and my relationships with my family members.

First, after reading about the personality types, our instructor had us guess what traits we would be strongest in. Then, we took the test, or should I say "indicator", and compared the results to our guess. I was pretty close on my estimate of my strengths and weaknesses. I am apparently an artistic, social and enterprising person. According to this little exercise, I'd be happiest, and best at things like writing, designing and teaching, which is perfect- I'm currently a writer / artist / homeschool mama/ and childbirth educator who is striving towards Fun-schooling as the educational method for my family..

I did not score well in the realistic or conventional areas, and apparently would not be good at things that require precise formulas or strict following of formulas. As a person who completely eyeballs measurements and blindly substitutes ingredients in recipes, I tend to agree with this.  Logic smhmogic. I can follow directions if I have to, but I would much rather wing it. And I'm horrible at paperwork. It makes me want to cry. While some people are great at crunching numbers in cubicles, that is not my gift- at all. This probably explains why we pick and choose from curriculum, following what interests us rather than force finishing boring things.

So, as far as what this makes me good at in life, I would probably not be the best choice to design a bridge, or test safety equipment, but I can pull together and whip up some pretty cool costumes, crafts, accessories etc. And, on the home front, despite my refusal to follow a recipe, I'm successful more often than not in the kitchen too- unfortunately I can't usually remember what I did and am unable to reproduce the results again if I wanted to, but that's another story.

The next part of the assignment was to have some people close to us answer the questions about us (without knowing our answers.) I chose my husband and kids. Now this was certainly interesting. Some of my answers were pretty similar to the answers they had about me, although there were definitely a few differences. I tend to think I am pretty relaxed and open minded, and my children agreed on most questions about that. As homeschoolers, the kids and I have spent an enormous amount of time together, and I think we are pretty clued into each other. So, apparently, my kids know me at least. My husband however, had much more rigid answers about me. Apparently, he thinks I'm a tad bit more uptight than I think I am. I guess that's his perception, and I'm not sure how to take that. Needless to say, I disagree, and the kids voted my way so HA- I must be right.

In any case, it was also amusing how often my family had the same strong reaction for me as I had myself to certain questions, especially those about not liking to be supervised, micromanaged, having to follow a set order etc. They know me well, and I do like doing my own thing. That is probably why I am happier not working with a school that wants us to follow their set curriculum and turn in a big trail of paperwork.

A number of the potential careers were areas that I have worked in and enjoyed, or am interested in. Overall, I like creating things and working with people. I've already worked in a number of jobs that go along with that- a theatre costume shop, the clothing design and merchandising industries, and others. I'm sure I'll probably still try out a number of more potential career choices along those lines in my life too.

The assignment was, in my opinion, a pretty accurate look at who I am. I guess it was a nice confirmation that I am mostly doing things I am suited for, and as confirmation that other things may pay well, but they just wouldn't make me happy. There were a lot of people just starting out their adult lives taking this same college class. For them, they probably have a lot less experience making their own choices, and tests (or "indicators") like this are a good way to think about whether they have the right personality for the goals they are setting. Goodness knows that we are not all suited for every job that sounds cool, pays well, that our parents did or that they want us to do.

Just think, if everybody did work that they were suited for, enjoyed, and were good at, the world would probably run a lot smoother, and be full of much happier people. Unfortunately, far too many people can't stand their work, and suffer through it (often making other people suffer along the way) until they are ready to retire. By then, they have no love of life left, and are bitter in spirit. Who cares if you have a nice 401K if you have wasted your youth being miserable? It's very sad indeed.

So, I'm encouraging my kids to find work that they enjoy and find meaningful, and making sure they realize that several careers in a lifetime is just fine. This starts while they are still children, which is why as a homeschooling family we try to make sure their education is something they enjoy and find meaningful. I want them to get used to making choices for themselves while they are young, much more than I want them to get used to accepting that they must conform despite the boredom. It's not always easy, but there's no reason we can't do things we are interested in and have fun in the process. Hopefully, this will help them with the confidence to keep following their own path throughout their lives.

The Ghost in Your Genes

I've watched a bunch of interesting videos lately for my psychology class. The Ghost in Your Genes was this very fascinating, yet mildly alarming video that looked at the things that we inherit, not only from our parents, but our grandparents, and great grand parents. It's not just the color of your hair and eyes either. Scientists are looking at how factors like nutrition deficiencies, exposure to toxins, and even stress of grandparents can be encoded in DNA, and the grandchildren can have repercussions decades later. It's actually a bit scary. In studies with mice, extremely stressful situations produced anxious offspring even three generations later! It was like they were encoded to be little freaked out stresser mice. This does not make me feel very reassured for what kind of things my children will be prone to.


All this makes me think about things like the pesticide DDT which has been illegal in the US for decades, but is still found in soil, animals and even humans who were not even born when it was being sprayed. I wonder what effects will be seen in future generations from the array of drugs and technical interventions now being used in almost every birth in the US. Synthetic hormones, narcotics and antibiotics are used as routine procedures surrounding hospital birth- and there isn't any way to definitively know how these will effect the babies later on other than waiting and seeing. By then it will of course be too late; the damage will have been done. What about the processed foods and chemicals that make up a large portion of the American diet now- how will those effect our grandchildren? There's also the obesity rate, and the immense amount of prescription medications people regularly take these days.

This all leads me toward gloom and doom feelings over the future of our species, and the mess we are getting ourselves into. But, I am making a conscience effort not to be a freak about such things, and rather look at my own life, and see what I can do. Besides, if I am a constant stress case, what will that do to my future grand babies? At least my kids didn't get all the drugs and trauma at their births, and we do try to live a pretty relaxed life and eat good whole food. In general, I am a bit on the skeptical side with a lot of things- I'm not a big fan of waiting to see if the harmfulness of something is proven. I'm more likely to hold off or skip it, but I do need to work on my verbal negativity about the world, or I'll raise little cynics. I'm sure there will be some weird things my kids will inherit anyway, and while this research does make me uncomfortable about all the damage from the past, it also sure makes me glad for my current sheltering habits.

Understanding Human Behavior

As part of my life long learning campaign I have been enjoying taking classes online through the local community college off and on for a couple of years now. I'm not sure when or how they will all add up to a degree but I am enjoying learning new things in the mean time. This semesters picks include a psychology class called “Understanding Human Behavior.” Since humans behave in all sorts of odd ways that are quite a puzzle to me, this ought to be interesting. I thought I'd be analyzing everyone around me, but we seem to be starting out by looking at ourselves. While it might not be nearly as fun as thinking about other peoples bizarre issues, I suppose it will be more useful in the end to understand my own.
Besides analyzing my own behavior, my dear family members are getting a big dose of my newfound knowledge and analytical skills. I am finding plenty of entertaining opportunities to throw out phrases like "Hmmm, it sounds like you might be displacing your anger and projecting it onto inanimate objects." Although people who are yelling at a printer that won't work or cursing at a shopping cart with a bad wheel don't seem very appreciative of my psychological assessments, it is still very amusing for me to make them. I should probably try analyze why I find so much humor in messing with already frustrated people, but that sounds like a little more deep thinking than I'm into tonight. I could probably come up with some way to rationalize it, but in the mean time I think I'll just keep having fun with it.