The Summer Bucket List

I suppose the season doesn't technically start until the solstice, but Memorial Day Weekend is the kick off to summer around here.

Every season has it's list of things we'd like to do, but summer seems to have the most free time for the most people, so dreams and ideas run a little larger. Well, you know how you often really want to do something, and before you know it it's too late? 

Enter the Summer Bucket List Challenge. It's based on the idea of really making an effort to do those things- you know- make the things you want to happen actually happen.

As a lover of lists, plans, goals and challenges (self induced ones that is... I find outside challenges frustrating, and would just as soon do without) I was super excited to come across this idea and jumped on board.

The folks at the Happy Family Movement even organized this community effort where you can sign up for free and they'll send you ideas, inspiration and nice little reminders and inspirations along the way.

So, I sat down with my family for a little brain storming session of what makes summer special to us.

We came up with all sorts of good stuff! I steered away from spendy things that might be harder to make happen, and towards things that fit my fun frugalista theme- things like sleeping under the stars, making smores, taking the dogs hiking, and making home made ice cream. (Interestingly, ice cream made an appearance in 4 different places on our list, which I consider a sign that it is something I must need in my life this summer.)

If you're anything like me and lose lists all the time, you can follow the inspiration of the Happy Family folks and string up cards with your goals. We put ours in a spot where we can see them all the time and be reminded daily of what we want to enjoy. We even found a real bucket in the garage to drop the items in as we finish them.

We're more excited than ever for summer now. How about you? What's on your summer bucket list?

Tidepools, Bridges and Locks

Seattle is a city where we could have easily spent a lot more time than we had, and it's definitely worth a second blog post. There is so much to see and do- and much of it is free or cheap which is exactly the way we like to roll whenever possible. (parking was an exception- it's quite pricey.) We decided to spend our last day checking out things just outside the city itself.

I'm a tropics kind of gal, and it was way too chilly for me to head out on any boats, which would be fun in some other, warmer season. Still, there was plenty of other fun to be had near the water.

Tidepooling was high on the list for us. (Girl Child has a strong interest in Marine Biology, and the rest of us just love the ocean and it's critters.)

We found an isolated beach with the tide about halfway down, and bundled up to see what we could see. The fact that it was painfully cold may have cut our explorations a little short, but we were able to see many sea stars, some anemones, and lots of crabs and birds.

My friend's children were much hardier when it comes to cold than mine and were able to romp barefoot and in shorts. My brood was bundled and shivering the whole time, but we were glad we made the stop nevertheless. When the fog rolled out, we could practically see to Canada.

The next stop was going to be Ballard Locks, which were kind of like a mini Panama Canal- a series of waterways to help boats navigate from the Puget Sound into Lake Washington.

On the way, we passed over a cool old drawbridge just in time to watch it raise up and let a boat under. Traffic stopped for dozens of cars and we watched a lone boat pass under, but the sun was momentarily shining and no one seemed to mind the pause in their day. My kids thought it was cool and we speculated on how the bridge operates. Several people seem to be working full time operating the bridge as well, so I'm sure it has a higher boat traffic at other times, or it would be a pretty inefficient operation. In any case, it was something we don't see every day so we enjoyed it.

The locks had a bunch of beautiful sculptures, and we arrived at the perfect time to see them do their thing and raise the water level to let a couple of boats through. You could cross a walking bridge to a visitors center in a beautiful botanical garden with flowers blooming everywhere.

This place had some special significance as far as Army Corps of Engineers Projects and also had a car drive into it at one time. We actually read all sorts of interesting tidbits about the history of the place, how it was built and the geology of the area, but I was so captivated by the gorgeous colors of flowers and contrasts of clouds in the sky and the public art that I remember that more than anything else. I suppose that's just how my brain works.

Fortunately, there will be no test for any of us, and I'm willing to accept that we all learned whatever we needed to about it.

From there, we said goodbye to our friends the fabulous hosts and hit the road south towards California. The kids loved the city of Seattle, and so did I. From what my friend says, the homeschooling scene is happening, and by the classes and activities her kids told me about, it sounded like a fabulous community to me.

Girl Child especially was glad to be near the Pacific and to see all the wonderful public art, and Boy Child was impressed with the numerous skateboard parks we came across. I hope we can visit again someday, and explore the Puget Sound and the many islands that fill it (hopefully on warmer days.) For this trip, it was as far as we could go, and we'd have plenty more to see on the way home.

Seattle

We had been driving through the cold rain for hours when the sun finally broke through. It was nearly dark, but we were still glad to see clear sky, and to turn off the windshield wipers at last. The Pacific Northwest isn't known for warm weather, but this was farther from springlike than I had hoped for. We'd been in the car for too long, but decided to keep going- to make it to our friends home before bed.

It was late by the time we arrived, but all 5 of her children came out to greet us. Inside we met the dogs, pet rats, and even a hedge hog. We hadn't seen these friends in years, and the family had grown by a few, but my friend still had that rare patience and grace in the midst of whatever crazy chaos life (and children) throws at her.

They had generously offered to share their home as a base to spend a few days and explore the city. She also shared the advice she was given upon moving to Seattle. Don't let the rain stop you from going out. If you wait for it to stop, by the time you get your car keys, it will start back up again. I'm glad we listened because the weather changed from sun to wind to sprinkles to hail within the course of an hour, and continued that way for our entire stay. You just have to wear layers and deal with it.

Day 1 was mammoth. We started off by finding a giant troll under the Freemont Bridge. (Yes, we scout out odd tourist attractions like this ahead of time.)

Then, it was to the famous Space Needle and surrounding park. We spent a few hours exploring sculptures, shops and the Pacific Science Center.

We took the monorail (on which we almost lost one small child- but we found him quickly) to Pikes Place and where we were entertained by street musicians galore. One in particular sang songs of his painful childhood memories of broccoli for dinner, while hula hooping.

The shops were full of inspiring and creative things made by local artists that gave me countless crafty ideas of my own.

A trip to Seattle wouldn't be complete without seeing the Gum Wall. It's an entire wall on the side of this building has been covered in used chewing gum. It's definitely one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen, but strangely artistic when the light hit all the colors. The kids talked me into buying some gum so we could add to the wall, and I almost heaved, but I did it. (I then promptly doused all of our hands in sanitizer.)

I liked many things about Seattle- but especially was how clean it is. (well, not the troll or the gum wall) For a major city, it just doesn't have the level of filth that LA does though. The public transportation was great too but the parking was painfully pricey, which encouraged me to plan well and just skip driving if possible.

We could easily have spent a week in the city and not run out of things to see and do, but alas- we only had a few days. Naturally, we made the best of it and just crammed in as much as we could. The kids had natural youthful energy, and I was in the land of Starbucks.

Tea Time

A young homeschooling friend recently had an assignment for his online Literature class that wasn't the easiest thing for an 11 year old boy. He had to throw a tea party. Not the political kind, but after reading and discussing "Little Women" he had to host an authentic Victorian tea party.

That's not exactly every boy's dream assignment, but fortunately for the young fellow, he knew some willing kids who would participate, which meant arriving in costume and character, and trying their best to use suitable manners. Girl Child had been studying the Civil war, so this all went along with things in our little homeschool quite splendidly.

I had not read the book "Little Women" in years, and my kids hadn't read it at all. We didn't have time to reread it before the party, so we resorted to borrowing the movie from the library. Unfortunately, it was the 1994 version, which was I'm sorry to say, just painful, and didn't make the best impression of it for my Boy Child.

Nevertheless, my kids are good sports and we attempted to rummage up costumes. My Boy Child was the hardest as he doesn't really do "dress clothes" but we at least found an old button up shirt from some past performance and paired it with black jeans and a vest. The skater shoes weren't exactly authentic Victorian vintage, but were the best we could do.

The day of the party came and the guests all looked lovely. The food was elegant, and their manners were impressive. They even showed some restraint with the sugar cubes in their tea without being asked (or at least they seemed to.)

Tea was followed by croquet. At this point I wondered when the manners would slack to modern times, but they maintained fairly well for the most part (although one mallet handle get broken, no people or animals were injured in the making of the tea party.)

I was quite proud of the young fellow who put it all together, and even made figgy pudding to serve.

Most of all, I'm proud to know such an assorted group of kids who haven't been crammed into a one size fits all mold and are still open to having fun while learning and trying new things.

Better Than Being Bitter

In the days leading up to Ash Wednesday, I'm usually doing a good deal of pondering what I will give up between now and Easter. I'm not Catholic, but have a good childhood friend who is, and introduced me to the concept of Lent back when I was a teenager. Voluntarily giving up something for 6 weeks as a means of spiritual growth just struck with me as something I could benefit from, and I've participated in some form or another for more years than not ever since.

Most years, it's something concrete that I give up. In the past, I've gone without things like:

*coffee, (my children have requested that I not do that again- apparently, it's unpleasant for the whole family) 

*meat (It was hard when I did it for Lent, but then I saw Food Inc last summer. It grossed me out so badly that I pretty much quit eating it altogether now anyway) 

*wine (I'm at a point in life where I feel I've both earned and benefit from the occasional glass more than I would from skipping it.)

*chocolate (yeah- that was just plain painful, but I did it)

Last year, I tried giving up something that wasn't so tangible, but was real, nonetheless. I went 40 days avoiding smack talk ( aka negative commentary.) To be honest, I don't think I would have attempted the feat if I hadn't been traveling with my kids for 5 of the 6 weeks. Not  that my kids don't ever talk smack- they do on occasion, but I try to squelch it. The helpful thing was that talking smack with kids just feels ickier than a session with the ladies, so it just didn't come into play as regularly. I certainly caught myself starting in on a negative rant more than once, but having the goal and the kids constantly present kept me from going very far with it.

This year, I have another intangible, but very real goal. Lent is about stretching and this will be a stretch for sure. I'm going to try to give up all things bitter. That's right- no more bitterness from me until Easter. (not that I plan on picking it back after the holiday, but just that I need a goal marker)

Some people who know me, but don't happen to live in the same home as I do, are under the impression that I am a cheerful person. (random trivia- my first name means "all honey") I suppose my cheeriness is mostly true, but internally, I'm also housing a whole lotta acidic, vinegary thoughts, and they bubble below doing unpleasant things to my heart, my soul and my mood, not to mention giving me scowl lines between my eyebrows, which will naturally make me even more bitter in the end. (More random trivia- my middle name means "bitter ocean" which may explain this "other side" of me) 

For the record, it's not like I'm bitter about just any old thing. There are just a few certain groups, situations and people who've done some things (and continue to) which are just not OK, and really tend to make me mad as heck. Since anger is the precursor to bitter, this is where I'm trying to start. 

I know that being mad at them doesn't fix anything. I also know that focusing on how justified I am in my anger just wastes my time and sucks my energy, both of which I should be directing into more productive avenues. Plus, the people I love get the brunt of my bad moods and that's just not fair.

In preparation for how hard this will be, I decided that I will nip any stray bitter thoughts in the butt by snapping a hair tie rubber band on my wrist whenever they pop up. Realistically, I know those thoughts will, and I'm hoping I'm ready.  

I even started my better than bitter plan a day early (which is traditionally Fat Tuesday, where you can go all out with a feast before Lent. I kindly opted to spare everyone the trauma and drama of my going hog wild with any bitter gorging, airing of grievances, etc. I think I'm growing already...) 

Well...as of this morning, I already have a small red mark on my wrist from the snapping. (It's surprising how often I think potentially bitter thoughts)

Two wise woman friends have mentioned that Lent is as much about what you add in as what you take out. In that light, I'm adding in some positive thoughts, meditations and writing prompts for myself every day of the season. Today, I found this whole page of quotes on anger, and they're just thing for me to reflect on as I start off this journey. 

I'm still wondering....what about all of those other "cheerful" people out there? Are they all really a bit bitter as well, but just good at concealing it from the public eye, or are they truly a peaceful, serene and full of joy as they appear? I'd love to hear responses from both the "happy" people and those who live with people like that. As I mentioned, my family has a slightly different impression of my personality than the outside world.

So, if you happen to see me in the next few weeks with large puffy marks on my wrist, you'll know why. It's not an allergic reaction or some form of self mutilation. It's just part of my attempts at becoming a nicer person, and it's better than being bitter. Wish me luck....

Awesome Art History

You might not think that very many junior high age boys would enjoy, be interested in, or willingly attend an Art History workshop. I wouldn't have guessed it either, but I currently have more boys than I know what to do with in my classes.

When I decided to offer Art History following my Hands on Science for homeschoolers, most of the parents of boys said they would just be bringing the kids for science only. Now, I often see more eclectic interests in homeschooled kids than in ones who go to school, but still, not many of the boys had a budding desire to sit and chat about old artwork.

The funny thing was, when it was time for Art History, no one wanted to leave. Every single kid stayed. I'm pretty sure they initially stayed just to continue hanging out and having fun with their friends, but by the end of the first workshop, I think I had most of them actually interested. Even the boys....in art....Renaissance paintings no less.

I'm using some Famous Artists Portfolios that were put together by our local Art and Science Museum. Each portfolio has 8 to 12 poster sized  hard backed prints all along a theme. Sometimes it's a period in art or a style of art or an artistic concept. Some are all works from one artists or about a particular subject. There's an accompanying book with info on the artwork and some sample project ideas.

I start the workshop with all of the prints displayed on easels. The kids are in groups and each group chooses a painting to study for a bit. The backs of the prints have information about them and I give the kids a sheet with some ideas to discuss.

After the groups talk amongst themselves, it's time to present their paintings to the rest of us. I try to do this "museum docent style."  We all gather around the presenting group and their painting, and tell us about it. It's really interesting to me to see the different things that the kids come up with and notice about the artwork- texture, style, lighting. and all sorts of details I might have otherwise missed. It's awesome to see these kids getting so into art, especially the energetic young boys.

After we've talked about all the paintings, we do a quick project. This group has a really wide variety of abilities in that respect, and I have yet to delve as far into the projects as I'd like to, but I'm optimistic we'll get more into the project side in the future.

Initially, I thought I'd go through art history in some sort of a linear order. But, when I managed to catch their interest of the unlikely students with the first class, which was full of beautiful old Renaissance paintings, I decided I didn't want to push my luck and risk losing them.

So I used the Sports portfolio full of boxers and horse races the next time. The action paintings were a hit. We've also done a portfolio on space and another on Mt. Shasta. The museum has a pretty wide variety of portfolios, so I figure I'll keep mixing it up each time we meet to keep it interesting.

If I could get them on board, I'd love to submit a collection of their art work to display next spring in a student show. I'm not there yet, but I am enjoying working with these kids in the mean time. Their observations are great, and some of what we're seeing and doing is new to me too. I'm having a great time learning right alongside them, and look forward to seeing what they pick up next.

I guess you never know what a kid will be interested in until you toss out something new to them.

Hands On Chaos

In coming up with activities for our happy little homeschool this fall, I found some great resources at our local science museum. They have a number of very cool, hands on science kits called GEMS. It stands for Great Explorations in Math and Science, and the kits are in use in museums and classrooms all over the place. For a small annual fee, our local museum lets educators, including homeschool families check out the kits. 

They also have a Famous Artist Portfolio program where you can check out themed portfolios of 8 to 12 prints of famous works to study with kids, along with a book of information about the art and accompanying activity ideas to go with them.

Being full of ideas, I thought, "Wouldn't it be fun to do these with a group of kids instead of just mine?" My kids agreed, so I tossed the idea out that I was offering Hands On Science and Art History workshops for junior high age kids to our local homeschool email list. I was bombarded with interest.

I expected 10 kids for the first session, but had 20. We only had one small explosion during "Chemical Reactions" and everyone still has their eyesight and limbs, so I feel like it was a success. Ironically, the explosion happened at table full of sweet and quiet girls, at the exact moment that I was lecturing my Boy Child's table not to shake up the mixtures. So much for profiling.

Having no formal training in this, and very little time to review the kits ahead of time, I'm pretty much flying by the seat of my pants with these, but fortunately, I fly pretty well most of the time. The kids are sure having fun, and mostly, I am too. 

It's wonderful for me in that I don't have to test them or try to force them to learn certain things. I pretty much just bring cool materials and ideas and facilitate. They have fun exploring and learning. Since the kids actually want to be there and are interested, they learn all sorts of things, and as long as everyone is being respectful, it works well. 

A few weeks ago though, we had a gathering that was a lot louder and more chaotic of an experience than I was shooting for. I had several new 5th grade boys, and made the mistake of having them all sit in one table. They were energetic and noisy and for once, not one single other parent had stayed. I was completely outnumbered, and being relaxed about their enthusiasm backfired on me. They spiraled into crazy land.

Loudness begets loudness and it morphed into a whole lotta noise. I mean an incredible amount. For the kids who wanted to focus it was frustrating. For me too- I felt like I needed medication. I didn’t exactly wish we were still in the days when teachers were able to rap students knuckles, but I sure did wish I had some strategies to rein them in. With my own kids, I can just use the old stink eye, and mention taking away their birthdays. With these other kids, I had nothing. I could understand how frustrated school teachers must feel.

  
In hindsight, prevention probably would have been the best idea.


I could see that I could definitely use some crowd control and classroom management skills. I've taught Childbirth and Breastfeeding Classes for years, but those are adults, who for the most part don't bounce up and down and shout out random and related nonsense. Junior high boys are another ball of wax altogether.

That’s probably what they teach you when getting a credential to be an actual school teacher- crowd control. Since I have no desire to get a degree in teaching, I just googled "classroom management," and came up with all sorts of ideas that are more productive than rapping knuckles with a ruler. I love the internet!

Now, I make sure to layout expectations ahead of time, and try to have things set up so we avoid madness in the first place.  I also make sure to have a parent helper, or two or three, too.

Our next meeting was a lot more fun, and successful. As long as the chaos is the fun kind, I'd love to keep offering these classes, and am even thinking of more to do in the future. It's awesome to watch these kids learning and be a part of the process- even if it is a bit loud, crazy and messy sometimes.

More Than One Way

I was recently found myself charge of hauling a rented minivan full of 6th - 8th grade kids five hours each way for a weekend camping and caving adventure. I tend to get myself into situations like this, which I think sound like fun, but most people seem to think they sound more like torture. We're probably both right.

I returned home with what appear to be new permanent laugh lines in my face, as well as some possible hearing damage. These kids cracked me up with their youthful goofiness, but somehow the volume of their voices got stuck around a million, which made the minivan beyond loud.At least they were funny

Of the eleven kids on the trip, mine were the only ones who don't happen to go to school. Some go to regular public schools, some go to an arts charter, and a couple go to a university preparatory school. It was enlightening on all sides to say the least, and we had the most amusing conversations about education and what exactly it means to homeschool.

Like many people, the kids seemed to have trouble wrapping their minds around the idea of not going to school. It's funny because even though the 11 kids came from 7 different schools, and yet they  hang out play music and games together with my kids a couple of days every week, it took them a few minutes to connect to the fact that we all have all sorts of connections that have nothing to do with school. Hopefully they see that you can have both friends and social lives without school- you just have to seek them.

Once they realized that we don't stay home and study alone all day, but we go to parks, museums, classes, beaches, trails and events in the community- basically all the things they would do on summer vacation- some of them became intrigued. When I told them that we learn about things that we want to and are interested in, and that we do it in real life ways like going on trips, one of them said (half jokingly, at least I hope) "But school is NOT supposed to be fun!"

I told them that I thought school, like life, should be fun as often as possible. Of course it can't always be, but it should be most of the time. I also mentioned that whether or not school was fun, learning can and should be.

It's a hard balance because on the one hand, I don't want to make it sound like it's all a big party full of games, although I do try to make it so as fun as I can. I also don't want to give the impression that our deal is so much better than theirs, even though I do think we have a pretty nice option. But, not everybody has the desire, motivation or means for a free thinking and learning lifestyle. It's definitely work on the parental end, and we make sacrifices, but it's also a really great way to live.

But these days, my kids are at the age where they're definitely more tuned in to being "different." In this scenario, we were definitely a different family from the others. I hope in the short term they can see that all the families are different really, and that there are pros and cons to every choice. In the log run, I hope they will retain their autonomy, and make choices based on what's best overall, not what everyone else does. When they are grown, I hope they'll realize that just because so many other adults spend most of their lives in mind numbing work they don't like, doesn't mean they have to do that also.

There's definitely more than one way to go through life, but as far as we know, we only get this one chance at it. We might as well enjoy the ride as much as we can.

Phoenix Friends

Our welcome to the state of Arizona began when we crossed the border along with the biggest group of bikers I have ever seen in my life, at least of African American bikers. Every gas station and rest stop was clogged with Harleys, snug fitting leather and body art, and some really tough looking ladies.

We had gotten a late start due to my car not starting due to a slight battery issue, but we finally made it to Phoenix. The first thing I noticed was the L.A. style freeways, but I'm pretty sure that the people of Phoenix were even more aggressive in their driving. It was like the Wild West meets L.A. We headed downtown- at least we were trying to head downtown, but we had a few added turns, which are not so fun in a land of crazy, mad drivers. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that I saw 6 separate accidents on the freeways of Phoenix that day.

Anyway, we finally found the Arizona Science Center amongst the one way streets, but unfortunately, we only had about an hour to explore. They had some really cool exhibits on how the human body works, particularly the brain. It was unfortunate that we had to rush- I always feel like I'm encouraging a short attention span, or ADHD when I rush kids who are trying to explore and learn. But, the place was going to close whether we had seen it or not, so we semi rushed, and had a skip a lot too.

We braved the Phoenix freeways again to head to our friends house near Mesa. Did I mention that while the speed limit is a generous 75 miles per hour, many people prefer to drive 90, and there does not appear to be a motorcycle helmet law in this state either? These things, combined with the fact that people can smoke in public places and carry weapons around too, confirmed the fact that we weren't in California anymore.

Anyway, we made it to our friends house where we got the Bed & Breakfast style welcome complete with tasty food, wine for me, and soft beds. The next day, we somehow managed to land on the hottest day in the area so far this year, and I was really glad we came in the spring, not the summer.

We opted out of a hike, and instead to head to the Phoenix Zoo. First, my friends helped me find a place to drop my car off to get the battery issue looked at while we went and had fun.

The zoo was a perfect outing for the kids. The habitats were pretty nice, which made me happy, and you could see that it was set up with the animals in mind, not just the viewing public.

We all enjoyed the cool walk in aviary habitats that housed not only birds, and plants but also cute little monkeys. Elephants are my favorite wild animal, but the elephants were not in the mood to be viewed that afternoon, so we only caught a glimpse while they hid behind bushes and ate. We did get great views of some magnificent rhinos, tigers, lions, and giraffes, plus a bunch of cute otters, other awesome animals.

At one point, after climbing and conquering statues, Boy Child for some reason decided to pull out his little finger skateboard, and show me some "really cool tricks" along the railing above some animals habitat. I mentioned that the trick was indeed cool, but to make sure he didn't drop the skateboard in the habitat. Of course, that was the signal to some force of nature that made his finger spasm and the board fall and drop to the bottom of the habitat, and completely out of reach.

The animal was sleeping in it's hiding cage, so we never even saw it, and luckily, it never saw the finger skateboard. I had a horrible vision of this rare, endangered animal eating the toy my child dropped in the cage and dying. I could picture us being on the news as "the family that led to the extinction of a species." After my head spun around and I shot flames out my eyes at my Boy Child, I made him go find an animal keeper and confess to his crime. He suggested that he could "easily just jump right in and get it" but I decided that his idea had the potential to make things much worse, plus, I could make him suffer more the other way.

So, we tracked down a zoo emploee, who tracked down the animal keeper, and Boy Child dutifully confessed. I expected them to at least give him a stern look, if not a big lecture, but they were all jolly, like "oh, this happens all the time." They even offered to retrieve the finger skateboard. I didn't want to be a total wicked witch because it was his "very favorite, special one with the cool stickers on it" but we needed to pick up my car before the mechanic shop closed for the evening, and waiting around for a skateboard retrieval operation didn't seem to be fitting in the schedule. The nice zoo folks got it out in a hurry though, we made it out of there in time, and Boy Child left the zoo very, very relieved.

I'm sure we all learned a bunch of interesting factoids about animals that day, but I think Boy Child's biggest lesson was not to play with your toys over the edge of rare and endangered animal habitats, or any other areas with difficult retrieval options.

Teasing

Recently some moms in my local homeschool email list mentioned that their kids had been teased in some of their classes. Although there was a small response along the lines of "kids will be kids" or "that's just life," I think most people were genuinely surprised that teasing was happening in such small groups of homeschooled kids. No one likes to believe their kids could be a part of such things, especially when we've gone out of the way to give them happy, sheltered childhoods. Homeschooling families take on a big commitment for raising our kids ourselves, and I know I keenly feel the responsibility that comes with that.

I think one of the hardest things for kids (or adults) to do when they see someone being teased or bullied is to stand up for the victim. Many people won't actually take part in the bullying, but they won't say anything against it either. I want my kids to know that if they see someone being mean to another kid, it's OK to say something like "Knock it off" or throw them a look that lets them know clearly they don't think their bullying is cool. I know confronting people is really uncomfortable, and not at all easy to do. In some situations, it could just turn the bully against you, but just standing there watching makes the victim feel like everyone there agrees with the bully. And I think some bullies thrive on an audience. If they can't take a stand, at least say "Let's go" and / or at some point let the victim know that you don't agree with whatever meanness was happening.

While there is some teasing that homeschooled kids may incur, I really don't think it is anything like what most kids in school have witnessed. Certainly my kids know very little of bullying compared to what I saw by the time I was their ages. They can't even imagine. The thing is, outside of schools, it isn't really so much a part of life. Of course there are jerks in the world, but as an adult I haven't really seen other adults blatantly making fun of hair, clothes, body shape, physical ability etc in the malicious ways I recall kids behaving. I've heard adults talk about other people behind their backs (which is not cool either,) but not the straight in your face meanness. I can't imagine going into a workplace and hearing "That outfit makes you look fat and your hair is stupid."

As parents, it is definitely our job to let our kids know what is ok behavior and what isn't. Even if it isn't meant to be cruel, words can hurt, and kids should know that. It's one thing if a 2 year old says "Why are you so fat?" or "Why is your car all rusty?" or "This food is gross" and it's a completely different scene if an 10 year old says the same thing. At some point, they should know that it is rude.

That's just my 14 cents...
What's your take on teasing?

Enjoying the New Year

Another year gone and a new one on the horizon. I love fresh starts, and all the possibilities that dreams and goals for the future bring. My friend Erin inspired me a few days ago with a blog post about her word for the year. Her "forging" ahead was inspired by another writer who talks about forgoing resolutions in favor of choosing a single word as a focus for change. I like this idea quite a bit and I've been thinking about it for days. So many words....so many directions to grow....how to choose just one? 

I thought I had my word for the year with "Enjoy" but then I remembered there's already a Northern California lifestyle magazine with that name. In fact, I had been thinking that I would enjoy writing for "Enjoy" in the New Year, so maybe I need another word of my own. 

So, being a geeky word type who also dislikes stealing other people's thunder, I hit thesaurus.com where I spent a good amount of time getting lost in synonyms. Then I wasted a bunch more time researched even further going in all kinds of directions, perusing random vocabulary sites in my search for the perfect word to inspire me into 2011. Relish? Savor? Revelry? Treasure? Celebrate? Merriment? Luxuriate? Laugh? Abundance? I got completely sidetracked and was on to words like "chortle" and "cackle," the latter of which has actually been used to describe my merriment, but I don't think that makes it a word to live by. Maybe"patience" (or maybe I should be realistic.) "Love" is a good one, and so is "Blessings." So many words, I may have to get back to you....

For now, I still really like "enjoy" as it covers a lot of bases, and it truly does sum up how I'd like to live. Maybe I'll keep it as my word for the year- I'm OK with choosing to enjoy my New Year, even if I'm not the only one using the word. It's a great word after all. I'm hoping the magazine folks won't mind either, and as long as I leave "magazine" out of my "enjoy," I don't think I'll be violating any copyright laws either.

In any case, I felt blessed and happy as I luxuriated in eating, drinking and being merry during a mellow, but happy New Years Eve with people I enjoy.We laughed, (I may have even cackled) played family games and watched movies, and eventually watched the festivities in New York on TV.

The highlight of our festivities was about 20 minutes to midnight when I went out to get yet more firewood to keep us from freezing before morning, and surprisingly, it was SNOWING. I ran in to get the kids who immediately ran outside and shrieked with joy. They ran back in shortly when they realized they had forgotten to bundle up and they were freezing. Layers of clothing were added and back out they went to dance and celebrate the magical midnight snow. The made another run out to bang pots and pans a little after midnight just in case anyone in the county had managed to not hear the revelry the first two times. It was a very happy way to ring in a new year.

The snow lasted till morning. It wasn't quite enough to sled by, but the kids tried anyway. The may be a tad bruised, but they are young and full of resilience. Hey- that's another good word- "resilience." I can't wait to hear what the kids come up with as their word for 2011.  Girl Child is leaning towards "fun."

I wish you all blessings, and hope you Enjoy the New Year!

A Festivus for the Rest of Us

Every year, my local homeschool group has a few people who feel compelled to warn the rest of us about the pagan nature of Christmas, and the multitude of plagues coming our way. I have no idea why they feel the need to have this annual rant (maybe they are genuinely concerned for us and not just wanting to squelch our fun) but while my family and I happily decorate the massive Christmas manzanita bush in our living room (we opted to go non-traditional and use what grew in abundance near our home,) we are happy to have so much to celebrate this Christmas. In fact, we're always up for adding to our list of celebrations. This year, I considered taking on Festivus.





Somehow, horribly crazy and dysfunctional people seem a lot funnier on Seinfeld than when they are in my life. Maybe it's one of those things where it's just better to laugh than cry.

While there's nothing like the holidays and family get togethers to inspire an Airing of Grievances, when I mentioned the idea to friends, for some reason, there were no takers. I probably spread the grievance airing enough throughout the year aready, and I'm not really up for Feats of Strength today, but Happy Festivus to all anyway.

How are you celebrating the holidays this year? I hope that your grievances are small, that no blows are raining down on anyone, and that your family is saner than the Costanza's. Happy Holidays!

The Gift Game

I don't know about you, but one thing that drives me nuts about this time of year is the greediness it can foster, especially in little people. I don't blame the kids- the adults around are usually unintentionally fostering it with heaps and heaps of gifts. I think most gift giving is well intentioned, but at some point, all the stuff is just overkill.

I come from a big family of gift givers, and so naturally, we get lots and lots of gifts during the holiday season. When my kids were little, it could at times be overwhelming. I had to learn to spread out the celebrations so all of the relatives didn't bombard them with 12,000,000 presents in one afternoon. It's hard to appreciate what you just opened when you can't even play with it because there are a million other gifts that people are throwing at you.

But, I think one of the most important lessons we can all learn in life is gratitude. I don't just mean being grateful for the stuff we like, but also having manners when we get something we aren't so happy about. I'm always mortified when someone, usually a kid, tosses a present aside without a thank you, or worse, when they say something rude like "I wanted something else."

Along that line, I've been playing what we call the "Gift Game" with my kids for years. I don't really remember where it started- I think I read about the idea in a magazine someplace, but it really does help us all practice being gracious. What we do is, starting a few weeks before a big celebration that involves gifts, we all start packaging up random things to give each other. It can be anything- a rock, a roll of toilet paper, a half used bottle of shampoo. We wrap up the "gift" and when the receiver opens it, they have to not only say thank you, but also come up with two positive, and at least semi- authentic things to say about it. For example, for the rock: "Thanks- this is really strong- it would make a great paperweight." Or, for the toilet paper: "Thanks- This is really useful. I love how soft it is." Sometimes it's a stretch, and often it's hard to do without laughing. We really have to be creative, and it gets us thinking, that is for sure. I think the practice is a good way of helping us all get in the swing of being polite, even if we get a hot pink sequined sweater that we would never in a million years wear. "Wow- it's so sparkley and warm!"

It also gets us thinking about gift giving in general. I love to give gifts myself, but I always have to remind myself to think about who I am giving to. I shouldn't be looking for the gift "I" would want, or that "I" think they should have, but what "they" would like. Giving a basketball to a kid who hates sports is silly, and a waste of resources.

Sometimes, it's hard to know what to give to people who seem to have everything. My kids certainly don't have everything, but they have plenty. How many dolls or Legos does a kid need? I know I have relatives that seem to have so much, it's hard to think of what I could give that they wouldn't just get for themselves. I don't like to add to clutter, and I don't want to just get something that will end up being tossed aside in a month. We do a lot of homemade gifts- crafts and food, but in some cases, I'm big fan of giving experiences rather than stuff. Taking someone out for a night to a concert or show, to a favorite restaurant, or a trip to a really cool museum are all things that might be remembered and appreciated more than more stuff. Even with that though, I have to really think about the show or restaurant that "they" would like, not the one that "I" want to go to. It sometimes can take some work to come up with something we'd both enjoy together. I get the kids involved in the process for relatives, and again, it gets the creative, problem solving juices flowing as we try to come up with solutions. These are the kinds of lessons that aren't in books, but are so important in life.

I can't believe Christmas is only a week away, and we still have much to do- brainstorming, crafting, practicing...Maybe next year, I'll focus on lessons for all of us in not waiting until the last minute. If anyone has any ideas on that, please let me know.

I hope each of you has a blessed holiday season, and that you don't have to work too hard to come up with pleasant things to say about your gifts. Merry Christmas!

Rough Start

The week leading up to our exciting train trip was a hectic one. Prior to knowing we'd be hitting the rails, I had already over-scheduled myself for work activities and there was no way out of doing them myself. That meant way too many hours away from home in the days I needed to get ready for a trip, as well as a scattered mind as I tried to focus in too many directions. The charter school also happened to need their semester samples for every subject  that week, and normally, I would like to make them exciting, wonderful examples of the amazing things my children do. But, I felt entirely too frazzled to attempt gathering and copying anything, so I just had the kids whip out some boring worksheets to drop off. I know there are families who rely entirely on worksheets for both learning and samples, so the school probably won't mind. But, since they are not a staple of what we do, or how we learn, I wasn't that excited about the representation. Still, I had a crazy week at work, and a big, fun trip planned so I put my focus there.

My car also decided to start requiring anywhere from 3 to 6 attempts to start the engine. This wasn't reassuring as I prepped to drive a few hundred miles solo with my kids. Dear Husband spent his day off installing a new starter and air filter, and cussing a bit about it, and a few hundred dollars later, the car starts right up.
Our plan was to take off one afternoon immediately after I got off work, and drive to a friends house 3 hours away. We would stay the night with her, and catch a very early train the next morning. It was a rainy, windy, nasty day, and it only got worse as I drove. It was pitch black in no time, and the rain was coming down in sheets. Semi trucks swerved into our lane, the car began to hydroplane, and I had horrid visibility. We decided to stop for dinner and wait for a break in the rain. The short walk from the parking lot to the door was like taking a fully clothed cold shower. Did I mention I was wearing a wool coat? In any case, we splurged on a very unhealthy dinner, and I introduced my kids to the art of dipping french fries into a chocolate shake. With full bellies, we were optimistic as we returned to our car. But, before we even made it back on to the freeway, it was pouring down rain again.
I held the steering wheel in a death grip while the wind whipped. My jaw and shoulders were clenched, and my face was about 3 inches from the windshield, but I still couldn't see squat. So, I pulled over again. We considered waiting out the storm in a rest stop, but sketchy characters got us moving again. After several starts, and stops I realized that the weather was not going to improve. I also realized that something in car smelled really, really bad. Then I realized that stinky something was me- or was my coat anyway. Something about the soaking brought out an odor that reminded me a lot of pet urine.Not pleasant, and not something I wanted to take on a 700 mile trip.
At this point, I couldn't take the stress of the drive anymore, and decided to just get a hotel. We were less than an hour from our destination, but each minute was aging me several years. While I was pretty disappointed that we were not going to make it to my friends house, I didn't want us all to die in the effort. It took some effort to navigate unfamiliar city streets in zero visibility, but my Girl Child co-pilot did an amazing job of helping direct and spot. Eventually I found a decent place to hand over my credit card in exchange for dry lodging.
We snuggled up to find something to watch on the 200 channels we don't have at home, glad to be warm and dry. We went to sleep sometime after 11:00 PM, ready for the 5:00 AM alarm to wake us to catch the train. It was a rough start, but we are hopeful people, and won't let a bit of foul weather dampen our spirits or our trip. Let the adventure continue....

Halloween

Every year, my local homeschool email group has a conversation about Halloween. It's an all inclusive group with both religious conservatives and atheists, as well as everything in between, and for the most part, we all do a pretty good job of being respectful of each other. Mud slinging about beliefs and practices is pretty rare, but it has happened, and it was over holidays. On the one hand, it's made me leery of conversations about it, but on the other, I think hearing why other people do what they do helps to understand, even if you don't agree. For the most part, I respect other people's belief systems, even if I don't share them, and would never try to corrupt their families with my ways. But, as a family that does do Halloween, I thought I'd explain my view on it.

 Personally, I love celebrations and holidays of all kinds, Halloween included, and I usually try to go to at least a couple of Halloween parties each year. When else can I get my husband to wear a mask and cape in public? Seriously, for us, Halloween isn't about death or darkness. It's more about costumes and, I'll admit it... candy. I love making costumes, dressing up, and seeing the other creative ideas people come up with. I wish there were more occasions that involved costumes, in particular, I mean occasions where it is socially acceptable for grown ups to dress up like Wonder Woman. It's a whole lot of fun in itself.

I once knew a woman who would have an all ages family Halloween party each year where costumes were mandatory for everyone. If you showed up without a costume, the little kids would make you one from their dress up box. Most people chose to arrive already in costume, and it was great to see all that creativity, especially amongst adults who are normally confined to more practical attire.

As for the candy, I know some people feel that there are inherent dangers in food from strangers, but my kids are smart enough to know that Trick or Treating is not the same as begging door to door or dumpster diving. I've never actually felt the need to have the candy X-rayed. Anything with a wrapper that is torn goes in the trash, not so much because I'm worried about poison, but because I gross out on germs. I am actually more concerned with the nasty artificial food dyes and chemical ingredients that the manufacturers purposely put in cheap candy than with potential foul play. For the most part, I just try to get my family to ditch the mystery import candy, and concentrate on the name brand chocolates we like. I miss the days when my kids were little and I could eat most of their chocolate while they were sleeping, and they would never even notice it was gone. Now, they keep a close eye and count.

With holidays, and pretty much everything in life, we try to emphasize what is important to us. We don't have a whole lot of meaning for Halloween itself, other than a time to celebrate as the days get colder and darker. We don't actually do the trick aspect of the holiday- we save that for April Fools Day.

I'm not so much concerned with or afraid of dark roots or pagan origins because those aren't what our tradition is about for us. We pretty much just dress up, eat sweets and have fun. I'm OK with that, and I think God is too, but I know just the name "Halloween" scares a lot of people. I know some churches don't celebrate Halloween, but have a Harvest Festival, that looks an awful lot like it with costumes and candy. Our church has a neighborhood Halloween party that is one of it's most popular events each year. Yes, biscotti and cheese sticks shaped like fingers are gross, but the kids like the icky fun.

Regarding death, we don't celebrate it, but we do usually set aside some time to remember and honor our dead loved ones on November 1st- Dia de los Muertos. When the weather cooperates, we like having a graveside picnic and sharing our favorite stories that help us remember. It's really far from morbid, but more of a celebration of a life that was. It's not about ghosts or spirits to us, just a chance to keep their memory alive, and it's a day I cherish each year. We tell stories about great grandparents my kids barely knew and dogs they knew and loved well. I love taking the time to share these people and these stories with my kids so they will grow up knowing and remembering them, and maybe they will even share them with their children.

So we've taken these days and just made them in to what works for our family. No one can choose what a tradition is about for anyone else- but that's what the next few days are about for us- creativity, laughter, fun, and remembering.

What celebrations or traditions does your family keep during this time of year? I'd love to hear about them.

Whether you celebrate this fall, or not, I hope you enjoy the season and your families.