The Summer Bucket List

I suppose the season doesn't technically start until the solstice, but Memorial Day Weekend is the kick off to summer around here.

Every season has it's list of things we'd like to do, but summer seems to have the most free time for the most people, so dreams and ideas run a little larger. Well, you know how you often really want to do something, and before you know it it's too late? 

Enter the Summer Bucket List Challenge. It's based on the idea of really making an effort to do those things- you know- make the things you want to happen actually happen.

As a lover of lists, plans, goals and challenges (self induced ones that is... I find outside challenges frustrating, and would just as soon do without) I was super excited to come across this idea and jumped on board.

The folks at the Happy Family Movement even organized this community effort where you can sign up for free and they'll send you ideas, inspiration and nice little reminders and inspirations along the way.

So, I sat down with my family for a little brain storming session of what makes summer special to us.

We came up with all sorts of good stuff! I steered away from spendy things that might be harder to make happen, and towards things that fit my fun frugalista theme- things like sleeping under the stars, making smores, taking the dogs hiking, and making home made ice cream. (Interestingly, ice cream made an appearance in 4 different places on our list, which I consider a sign that it is something I must need in my life this summer.)

If you're anything like me and lose lists all the time, you can follow the inspiration of the Happy Family folks and string up cards with your goals. We put ours in a spot where we can see them all the time and be reminded daily of what we want to enjoy. We even found a real bucket in the garage to drop the items in as we finish them.

We're more excited than ever for summer now. How about you? What's on your summer bucket list?

More Art For Me

In my attempts at being Homeschooling Madre Extraordinaire, I have a tendency to get my kids involved in all sorts of fun and artsy things. Looking around, I see I'm not the only one who makes sure their kid is well rounded, but slowly lets their own cool stuff fall by the wayside.

Aside from the outside activities, I make sure to get my kids groovy art supplies and kits for gifts, which is awesome because I at least get to partake in making projects at home. As an added bonus, I get to do all sorts of things I wished I could have done more of as a kid. (Like Shrinky Dinks- but more about those later..)

In any case, it's not that often that I start a creative project just for myself.

Bur, when I found the Art House Co Op, I began a mini revolution. They're a group out of Brooklyn- a world away from me on my petting zoo in Northern California- and they host all kinds of art projects that people all over the world can take part in. Some are free, some aren't, but they're all a chance to be a part of some big group effort in far away places.

I started with the traveling sketchbook project. It took me forever to start and was a big last minute mania to finish it, but I had a blast.

Next was the meal. It seemed like a simple idea, but was harder to execute than I imagined.

Still, I had so much fun with those that I signed myself up for what amounts to about a project a month all spring. There was a hand written note exchange, a mini artwork exchange, a map project and a photo response.

Making art just for me made me really, really happy. Of course, I could always take a few minutes to do art on my own, but signing up for a project actually makes me accountable, which increases the chances of me actually doing something. It's also more exciting to send your stuff off somewhere than to have it live in your closet.

Sometimes, I'll look at the work of the other artists and think "Oh shoot...they're really good" which is followed by negative self talk about me not being good enough or real enough. Does everyone have that annoying inner critic? Well, to heck with that. I'm just going to enjoy the process of making the art and if it doesn't look like the other artists, it's because I did it. With purple velvet and rainbows and glitter (except the Art House folks discourage glitter as it falls off and infects the non- sparkly work)

I'd encourage everyone to find their own little piece of creativity wherever they can- in the kitchen, with your camera, wherever. It's great when it includes the people you love, but it's OK to have your own thing too. What ways do you find to keep your creative spirit alive? I'd love other ideas...

Tea Time

A young homeschooling friend recently had an assignment for his online Literature class that wasn't the easiest thing for an 11 year old boy. He had to throw a tea party. Not the political kind, but after reading and discussing "Little Women" he had to host an authentic Victorian tea party.

That's not exactly every boy's dream assignment, but fortunately for the young fellow, he knew some willing kids who would participate, which meant arriving in costume and character, and trying their best to use suitable manners. Girl Child had been studying the Civil war, so this all went along with things in our little homeschool quite splendidly.

I had not read the book "Little Women" in years, and my kids hadn't read it at all. We didn't have time to reread it before the party, so we resorted to borrowing the movie from the library. Unfortunately, it was the 1994 version, which was I'm sorry to say, just painful, and didn't make the best impression of it for my Boy Child.

Nevertheless, my kids are good sports and we attempted to rummage up costumes. My Boy Child was the hardest as he doesn't really do "dress clothes" but we at least found an old button up shirt from some past performance and paired it with black jeans and a vest. The skater shoes weren't exactly authentic Victorian vintage, but were the best we could do.

The day of the party came and the guests all looked lovely. The food was elegant, and their manners were impressive. They even showed some restraint with the sugar cubes in their tea without being asked (or at least they seemed to.)

Tea was followed by croquet. At this point I wondered when the manners would slack to modern times, but they maintained fairly well for the most part (although one mallet handle get broken, no people or animals were injured in the making of the tea party.)

I was quite proud of the young fellow who put it all together, and even made figgy pudding to serve.

Most of all, I'm proud to know such an assorted group of kids who haven't been crammed into a one size fits all mold and are still open to having fun while learning and trying new things.

Ready To Fly

I was thankful for the break in the rain as I loaded my old Volvo station wagon and headed south towards the desert. My mind was heavy with questions about relationships, my job, my future. The car was packed to the roof with enough food for a small nation, and barely enough room for my two kids and a tent. 

I drove without a real agenda, with only a general idea of places we wanted to see. I had no idea where we would stay, only that we would travel along a very vague circular route through the southwest, and that we would not be coming back for more than a month. The trip was a lot like my life- without any clear plan as to where I was going. I just needed to journey in a different direction to see what was out there. So, I drove.

I drove, and drove. I drove for weeks. I can't say how many miles because the odometer in my old car had stopped working long ago. But this trip wasn't about the car, even though we lived out of it and slept in it more than once. It wasn't about counting miles either, even though we covered many thousands. This trip was about exploring and being free. Enjoying the journey was as important to the experience as any destination. We stopped for everything from Wild West theme shows to giant statues of road runners made out of garbage. I rarely drove more than a few hours in a day, and spent a few days discovering each place before moving on. As I drove, we talked. We talked about everything from the splendid sights all around to our dreams and goals for the future. No one asked "Are we there yet?" because we rarely knew where there was.

We watched the landscape constantly change, and oohed and aahed over the scenery. There was a daily chorus of "wow" from every seat as we became enamored with all that is out there. But, it wasn't all about beauty and wonder either. Navigating strange cities and countrysides, and setting up camp in a new place every few days was a lot of work. We were like pioneers, growing more competent in our skills all the time.

At night, we were at home and cozy in our tent, playing cards and reading stories aloud by lamp light and talking even more in the dark. As we laughed at silly jokes and bickered over who ate the last cookie, I was so glad to be able to spend this time with these kids.

I was asked more than once what possesses a 39 year old woman with a college education and a seemingly stable life to head into the the unknown for 5 weeks of sleeping on an air mattress. Sometimes the questioners were people who admired the spirit of adventure, and just as often, it was by someone who questioned both the sanity and the safety of a woman alone on the road with children. I never really had a clear answer for any of them. I could only say that I wanted to see the world with my kids, and hotels every night were not in the budget.

Before I set off, there was a big part of me that thought this trip would give me time to contemplate all the things in my life that were slowly sucking away at my soul. I imagined staring out at the desert, pondering life and finding direction. It turned out that it wasn't that kind of trip. 

Traveling without an itinerary does have the advantage of allowing spontaneity, but when children are involved, it requires a lot more thinking. If you are the only adult in charge, you not only have to find the way from point A to point B, but you also kind of have to make sure that they have a safe place to sleep each night and food to eat each day. It helps if that food is more than cookies and chips too, hence the overloaded Volvo. 

When you are busy packing up your nylon fabric home into your car and making choices about where to move next several times each week, the journey becomes one that is more about external exploration than internal. Children also tend to make noise, which in turn makes quiet contemplation rather difficult. But, somehow, without any conscious effort or realization, the internal work happened too. 

As I marveled at the giant 200 year old Saguaros and miles of sparkling White Sands, the seeds were being planted in my subconscious. Sitting in a 700 year old sacred Kiva at Bandelier and gazing over the marvelous Arches of rock, something sprouted in my heart. As I stared up in awe at the imposing cliffs of Zion and down in amazement at the pointed spires of Bryce Canyon, the seeds grew. By the time I watched the sun set over Death Valley, I somehow knew deep in my soul that I would be alright. We all would.

There was no logical plan or magical clear answers to any of the things I was supposed to be pondering, only a calm confidence that the same wonderful world that featured this incredible variety of magnificence, had fabulous things in store for me as well... if I would just give them the time and space to be. The rivers, the mountains, and the deserts- they all took time. No one forced the Grand Canyon or rushed the redwoods. Every place we went was different and marvelous in it's own way. They had grown, changed and evolved over time. To be honest, some of that process looked rather painful, but the results were just as they should be. The things didn't belong were eliminated, and they became their own unique wonders.

I came home not knowing exactly what my future would bring, but convinced that I needed to eliminate the things that didn't belong in my life. Change might be scary, but unlike the mountains, I don't have millions of years to grow into what I want to be. I have one short lifetime to find my unique beauty in. 

We came back feeling in love with the world. I was inspired to keep going and seeing more, traveling more with my children. We are planning to hit the road again in a few months, this time heading north. The trip that started it all also ended up inspiring me to do more things the naysayers would fret over. I cut my hours at my job and eliminated the most draining components. Of course that also eliminated a huge portion of my income, but it opened up a well of time and energy for other creative endeavors. I feel as free and endangered as the Condors nesting over the Colorado River- hatched in captivity and released into the wilds. I am spreading my wings and ready to fly. 


****This essay appeared on the Dave's Travel Corner website.

Better Than Being Bitter

In the days leading up to Ash Wednesday, I'm usually doing a good deal of pondering what I will give up between now and Easter. I'm not Catholic, but have a good childhood friend who is, and introduced me to the concept of Lent back when I was a teenager. Voluntarily giving up something for 6 weeks as a means of spiritual growth just struck with me as something I could benefit from, and I've participated in some form or another for more years than not ever since.

Most years, it's something concrete that I give up. In the past, I've gone without things like:

*coffee, (my children have requested that I not do that again- apparently, it's unpleasant for the whole family) 

*meat (It was hard when I did it for Lent, but then I saw Food Inc last summer. It grossed me out so badly that I pretty much quit eating it altogether now anyway) 

*wine (I'm at a point in life where I feel I've both earned and benefit from the occasional glass more than I would from skipping it.)

*chocolate (yeah- that was just plain painful, but I did it)

Last year, I tried giving up something that wasn't so tangible, but was real, nonetheless. I went 40 days avoiding smack talk ( aka negative commentary.) To be honest, I don't think I would have attempted the feat if I hadn't been traveling with my kids for 5 of the 6 weeks. Not  that my kids don't ever talk smack- they do on occasion, but I try to squelch it. The helpful thing was that talking smack with kids just feels ickier than a session with the ladies, so it just didn't come into play as regularly. I certainly caught myself starting in on a negative rant more than once, but having the goal and the kids constantly present kept me from going very far with it.

This year, I have another intangible, but very real goal. Lent is about stretching and this will be a stretch for sure. I'm going to try to give up all things bitter. That's right- no more bitterness from me until Easter. (not that I plan on picking it back after the holiday, but just that I need a goal marker)

Some people who know me, but don't happen to live in the same home as I do, are under the impression that I am a cheerful person. (random trivia- my first name means "all honey") I suppose my cheeriness is mostly true, but internally, I'm also housing a whole lotta acidic, vinegary thoughts, and they bubble below doing unpleasant things to my heart, my soul and my mood, not to mention giving me scowl lines between my eyebrows, which will naturally make me even more bitter in the end. (More random trivia- my middle name means "bitter ocean" which may explain this "other side" of me) 

For the record, it's not like I'm bitter about just any old thing. There are just a few certain groups, situations and people who've done some things (and continue to) which are just not OK, and really tend to make me mad as heck. Since anger is the precursor to bitter, this is where I'm trying to start. 

I know that being mad at them doesn't fix anything. I also know that focusing on how justified I am in my anger just wastes my time and sucks my energy, both of which I should be directing into more productive avenues. Plus, the people I love get the brunt of my bad moods and that's just not fair.

In preparation for how hard this will be, I decided that I will nip any stray bitter thoughts in the butt by snapping a hair tie rubber band on my wrist whenever they pop up. Realistically, I know those thoughts will, and I'm hoping I'm ready.  

I even started my better than bitter plan a day early (which is traditionally Fat Tuesday, where you can go all out with a feast before Lent. I kindly opted to spare everyone the trauma and drama of my going hog wild with any bitter gorging, airing of grievances, etc. I think I'm growing already...) 

Well...as of this morning, I already have a small red mark on my wrist from the snapping. (It's surprising how often I think potentially bitter thoughts)

Two wise woman friends have mentioned that Lent is as much about what you add in as what you take out. In that light, I'm adding in some positive thoughts, meditations and writing prompts for myself every day of the season. Today, I found this whole page of quotes on anger, and they're just thing for me to reflect on as I start off this journey. 

I'm still wondering....what about all of those other "cheerful" people out there? Are they all really a bit bitter as well, but just good at concealing it from the public eye, or are they truly a peaceful, serene and full of joy as they appear? I'd love to hear responses from both the "happy" people and those who live with people like that. As I mentioned, my family has a slightly different impression of my personality than the outside world.

So, if you happen to see me in the next few weeks with large puffy marks on my wrist, you'll know why. It's not an allergic reaction or some form of self mutilation. It's just part of my attempts at becoming a nicer person, and it's better than being bitter. Wish me luck....

New Year, New Look

Since the New Year is a natural time for change, I decided to ring in 2012 with a new look for my dear old blog. Yes, I realize that it's already over a week into the new year, so I'm a bit late on the ring in, but that's just how I roll sometimes. 

When I started my "Blah, Blah, Blog" I named it after my Dear Husband's fond way of impersonating me chatting with the ladies. Apparently, our blabbing sounds something like "Blah, Blah, Blah" with random inserts of  cackling laughter. I thought it was a witty title, but later discovered there were a few other blogs with the same name. I hate it when I'm not as clever as I thought.

Anyway...I also started off with a focus of writing about homeschooling and family life. Those are still a big part of my writing, just as they are a huge part of my life. But these days, I find my blogging has grown to include travel, exploration, adventure, art, writing and all sorts of empowered living ideas. Since we're a life living, funschooling sort of homeschool family, this all kind of rolls into the package anyway.

It's an eclectic assortment, but the theme seems to revolve around enjoying life. For many of us, that means consciously escaping all the downer forces trying to box us into a conventional lifestyle. Too often, we do things that suck the joy out of our existence, operating under the assumption that we have to assimilate. Well, we don't. Escape is possible.

Escape is less about running away, and more about finding what makes you smile and laugh. What brings you joy? It's about learning what's really important to you, not to your neighbors and friends, but to you, and making that your priority.

Of course life has it's ups and downs, and we all have to deal with our share of things we'd rather not. But the point is, life can be a lot more fun if you let go of the idea that you have to do things just because it seems everyone else is doing them. It's your life. You might as well enjoy it.

I hope you like the new look and the expanded focus. Thanks for coming along on the journey!

OCD Meets ADHD- My Post Holiday De-Cluttering

Every year around holidays, I start getting a mad urge to get rid of some of the excess stuff that clutters my home and life. I think this started somewhere in my first years of parenting when I realized that the holidays would mean an onslaught of plastic, noisy, blinking, flashing stuff that my beloved and well meaning relatives felt my children needed.

Of course I've tried talking to the gift bearers, assuring them of the appreciation, but noting the maxed square footage of my home and the unlikelihood that we would be adding on rooms to accommodate toys. Many responded with gifts of lessons, outings or things that took up less physical space, but still, the holidays mean stuff, and probably quite a bit of it, is coming our way.

So, I begin trying to thin the stuff before the gifts start coming in, but with the busyness of the season, I still have lots to do afterward. That's what Boxing Day is for. The holiday always lands the day after Christmas and, in case you haven't heard of it, actually has nothing to do with the sport of boxing. Although a few too many family holiday gatherings may inspire you to pull out the gloves, Boxing Day is actually a traditional European holiday where the wealthy give boxes of goodies to their servants.

I'm not in Europe, not wealthy, and don't have servants (although someday, I really hope to have a maid, but that's another story.) That's OK, because I usually turn holidays into what I want them to be anyway. Besides, I understand that these days, it's mostly just a day that banks and government offices are closed, and in Canada, it's a shopping day equivalent to Black Friday in the states. I guess the gift is that it's a paid federal holiday and you can score some bargain electronics.

In my tradition of making up my own traditions, I've make it Boxing Week for my personal use, and I use the time to box up stuff I no longer want or need and get  it out of my life one way or another. I donate the good stuff and recycle what I can. My car is loaded multiple times to go to the thrift shop (and the donations are covered so that none of my household can get nostalgic and suddenly want something that was destined to bless someone else who does not live with me.

I recycle what I can, but the rest, I toss. I've learned to let go of the idea that somebody could use a perfectly good t shirt with one small ketchup stain. I no longer hold onto it to wear while gardening as I don't want to look like a big ratty slob, even when pulling weeds. These days, if it's trash and I'm in clean up mode, it's outta here. It's the only time of year that my trash can actually goes to the curb full.

This year, my de-cluttering rampage seemed more intense than ever. I was a roaring hurricane, tearing through rooms, emptying cupboards and drawers, sorting, tossing and basically making complete disasters everywhere I went. I suppose a professional would finish one area before moving on to the next, but I am clearly not a professional. It was like OCD meets ADHD with some caffeine thrown in for good measure, and it probably frightened the children.

I had recently read some stories from one of those organizational experts which gave numerous examples of people holding onto all kinds of sentimental clutter, and when they let it go, somehow the universe opened up all these new windows of opportunity for them.

I love these kind of mystical whoo hoo ideas, and realized that I've been holding on to oodles of old journals, artwork and papers of all kinds. It's like I had a small forests worth of paper, and when I looked, I really did not care in the least about much of it.

I thought the journals might contain some profound writings I could use or pass on to my offspring, but as I waded through the pages, I realized a couple of things.

1) I seem to journal much more when angry or sad than when happy, and if anyone read these in the future, I may be taken for a miserable and bitter person.

2) I had no desire to muck through the unpleasantness and relive it for some bits of wit or wisdom here and there. Forget that. I'll just have to come up with new and better stuff.

3) I've been complaining about a lot of the same stuff for years. I need to quit wanking or do something about things that bug me or move on.

With this in mind, I hauled them out to the fire pit and burned them on New Years eve. I also got rid of tons of old art of my own. I kept the pieces I like, but there were a lot of old college art projects that I never liked in the first place, but have packed around with me for years. Now, they're ash, along with pounds of old financial papers like car loans for vehicles we no longer own, 15 year old taxes and more.

The wonderful thing is, I feel a bazillion pounds lighter. I had no idea this stuff was such a weight on me, but my shoulders lift just thinking about it being gone. I bet if I were to measure myself, I'd be standing taller.

I sure hope the mystical organizer is right and wonderful new opportunities will come my way now that the old clutter and junk is going away. In any case,  things are looking better around here and I feel free and able to focus on the days ahead.

Maintenance of this reduced clutter world, will of course be another story.

Looking Back Before Looking Ahead

I love the start of a New Year- it's like a clean canvas ready to be painted. Most years, I'm just so ready to look ahead that I barely look back. But this year, messages to reflect on 2011 were coming at me from so many directions, I figured it must be a sign I needed to do it.

Chris Guillebeau, author of The Art of Nonconformity and travel guy extraordinaire gave me the first nudge to do an annual year end review. It's a pretty simple process- looking at what worked and what didn't in the previous year.

Jennifer Lee, of the Right Brain Business Plan and super creative lady in general came up with a cool Exploding Box Year in Review idea along with questions about what you're proud of and what you learned.

The idea that I needed to reflect and think before moving on came from other sources as well, and so, I listened. I realized that in a way, 2011 was a year of reflection. I spent some much needed time on taking care of myself, learning, thinking and growing.

Between being a full time homeschooling mom with a part time job, volunteering, trying to write and make art, running a bazillion errands and meeting so many other people's needs, it took some conscious effort to prioritize myself. But I realized that self care wasn't selfish if it prevented me from freaking out and being a mean mom, bad worker, and general flake with a negative attitude.

One thing that worked wonderfully last year was taking my 2 kids and a tent on a five week 4000 + mile road trip to explore the southwest. It was the first leg of a master plan to tackle 50 States in the next 5 Years (4 years now since 2011 is gone) and every day we found ourselves exclaiming "WOW!" over the amazingness of it all. The idea of a woman alone on the road with kids led to mixed reactions- some people were excited and encouraging of the adventure and others were simply concerned for our safety and my sanity.

Seven states and 13 National Parks later, I'll admit, we did occasionally get lost, had some minor car issues, and were snowed on and froze a few times, but we also saw incredible sights, met interesting people, and fell in love with exploring this beautiful world. If you ever have the chance to follow a dream with kids, I'd say "Go for it!"

Traveling together is something we will definitely be doing more of in 2012.

Refocusing my energy to reduce soul sucking, time wasting endeavors and to include more creative efforts also worked well. I wrote more, created more art, and earned a scholarship to the UCLA Writers Program. I found that the more I submitted my work to the world, the more success I had (I was rejected too, of course, but the successes were enough to inspire me to keep moving in that direction.)

Restructuring my living space and getting rid of literally hundreds of pounds of things I didn't really want or need was a lot of work, but feels amazing. I tossed, recycled and donated things that were cluttering my home and my life. I organized what mattered and made a space that's much more conducive to creativity and family life, which is just what an artsy homeschooling mama needs. More creative projects are on the way in 2012 for sure.

What I'm most proud of is the amazing people that my kids are. I feel both honored and blessed to have them in my life, and am so thankful for the fun times we have together.

Things that didn't work so well mostly related to being scatterbrained, procrastinating or not paying attention. I can see that focusing, prioritizing, and time management need to be on the agenda in the upcoming year, especially if I want to do amazing and creative things.

The last night of 2011, I spent celebrating with my hubby and kids. We ate black eyed peas and cornbread over a bonfire that burned old journals and papers from the past, and talked about what was to come. The kids and I wrote letters to ourselves to be opened in a year. Then they built a giant marble run using every piece in the set and featuring 4 separate drop points so we could all drop our own ball at midnight. I sat down with glue, scissors and magazines and created a collage of my reflections.

We all ate sweet things and drank bubbly things and rang in the New Year with noise and merriment. Boy Child decided to jump in the unheated pool despite the fact that it was 43 degrees outside. I've never seen that kid swim so fast in my life!

My word for 2011 was "Enjoy." I think for 2012 I'll go with "Explore"- it works for all sorts of things- travel, art, personal life and whatever else comes my way. I'm glad I took the time to look back at the lessons of the last year.  The next few days will be for looking ahead, and I'm feeling more ready than ever for dreaming and scheming to make 2012 full of amazing adventures.

Happy New Year!

On Not Becoming a Grinch

Well, Christmas came and went, and it was mostly merry and bright for my family, but keeping it that way was certainly not effortless. The days leading up to major family holidays are seldom made up of greeting card moments in my house, unless the greeting card involves harried frenzies and occasional freak outs.

I'd guess most families have their share of holiday stress during what's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. There's so much to do, such expectations. In the insanity of extra celebrations and assorted commitments other people want from you, what's actually important to you can get lost. In an already busy life, the whole season can lose its meaning.

What's with the pressure anyway? Why do parents force their screaming and terrified child to sit on Santa's lap and then pay $12.95 for a picture of it? Why do people rush around spending money they don't have just to buy some plastic junk that no one will care about or remember in 6 months? Does it really add to our joy?

I tend to sway radically from being relaxed to losing it, but this year, I made a conscious effort to avoid turning into a Grinch. Despite the fact that our local extended family requires numerous separate celebrations, at least one of which I'd end up hosting with my home in the midst of a remodel, I was determined to just focus on a happy season for my kids.

Did I mention that my Girl Child and I quit eating meat, so I had to think of a festive vegetarian dinner to satisfy 10 carnivores? And preferably one that the preparation and cleanup of which wouldn't push me over the edge? No matter, I would be cheerful for my kids.

They had saved up money to buy the biggest bag of dog food available, and wanted to collect bags of old tennis balls from the field next to the local tennis courts, all to be delivered to the dogs spending Christmas county animal shelter. It's a sad and dismal place, even for a shelter, and could use all the help it can get.

The clock began ticking. I had the food in my car for days, never managing to make it there. Part of me began to get grumpy about this extra errand which was completely out of the way when I was already running around like a chicken without a head. Then, I thought about my sweet kids, and the message I would be sending with my bad attitude.

Then, I thought about the dogs at the shelter, many of whom wouldn't make it out of there. For goodness sake, they deserved a tennis ball to chew, even if I was busy. So, I did some deep breathing and committed myself to quit the wanking about it and get down there, even if some other errand got dropped. We skipped a cookie party and made it at the very last minute, just as they were closing their gates for the holiday weekend.

Later, Boy Child and I were talking about the homeless people outside so many stores. We often have snacks in the car, and it's not unusual for my kids to give their granola bars or bananas to someone who is begging. But, while going without snacks is a giving gesture, the spirit of the season calls for more.

We began thinking about homeless children and Christmas. Being homeless at any age is sad of course, but the kid factor puts an even more tragic spin on it.

We decided to pick out some things to take to kids at the rescue mission. He was thoughtful, avoiding cheap plastic things that will only break and wind up in the trash, realizing puzzle pieces could easily be lost in transit, and that processed junk food was probably something they already had enough of. He thought noise making things might drive their already frustrated parents over the edge, so that was out too. He chose portable drawing supplies, gloves and cool beanies, lotions and soaps, bouncy balls, nuts and a little good chocolate too.

Getting things to the mission was another potential stresser. It's not on the end of town that I usually frequent, and as I mentioned, I was maxed on driving and errands. When what's meant to be a kindness turns into a nuisance, it kind of loses the point. Again, it just took some prioritizing. No one would miss one more activity I planned for our family celebration, and it left us time to drop the packages by Christmas eve.

All the baking and crafting felt mostly fun and loving. With conscious effort, so did most of the shopping. We missed gifts for a few people we didn't know we would see, but we just enjoyed the their company rather than feeling bad about it. We ended up skipping a couple of parties, and letting go of a few ideas, but were all fine with giving up some stuff to focus on the rest.

The numerous celebrations happened without the drama that extended family can sometimes bring. Certain people and situations tested my efforts, and I'll admit I slipped on more than one occasion, but I figure my best effort is all I can achieve as I'm far from perfect. I can't tell you how much deep breathing helped, but it did. When all the cooking, shopping, eating, wrapping, unwrapping and cleaning was done, I had mostly avoided becoming a Grinch.

Actually, the eating part goes on, and probably will for a bit. Thank God for stretchy yoga pants! The gifts of excess sugar do take their toll on my household, and normally sweet and rational people have been a bit more intense. Maybe I'll freeze some for later, or better yet, host a tea and pawn it off on my friends and their kids. Of course, that would require more cleaning, so I'll have to think on that.  For now,  I'm just so glad to have my peaceful home back, and hoping I can keep my inner Grinch at bay long enough to put away all these decorations.

Hoping everyone had wonderful, Grinch free holidays too!

Bitter Sweet

In the midst of a crazy surge of fall decluttering, I'm taking down pictures off the walls and moving stacks of old drawings and notebooks, and it hits me- how much my kids have grown. It hits me when I look at the photos of tiny people who were perpetually attached to me, in arms, in a sling, in my lap, for years, and it hits me again when I see the crayon drawing of a curvy stick woman with a fancy feathered hat and labeled "mama."

It's a bittersweet moment of motherhood. My kids are not so little anymore. Sure, they still look small and young when I look at them next to the big teens, but as they sprout up what seems like inches every week, and I watch their interests and comprehension of the world blossom on newer and more mature levels, I realize that the days of fairy wings and super hero capes and doll houses are gone. And part of me wants to cry.

Of course these days have their beauty, and I love being able to spend them with my kids. The conversations are deeper, the things they are able to help with and do are wonderful. I am honored to be a part of this process- to watch, guide and just be along for the ride with these cool people. I love who my children are and who they are becoming, but I will miss the sweet and innocent days- the gnomes and magic and glitter, the tiny little hands in mine, the silly jokes, and cuddles and snuggles.

But time passes and people grow and things change, probably faster than many of us would like. Part of me wants to add more little kids to our family to prolong the wonder of those little kid days, but that is easier said than done, and who knows, I may just be being nostalgic and unrealistic. The whole thing was probably a lot harder and more work than I am remembering as I look at all of the drawings and pictures of days gone by.

What I do know for sure is that time isn't going to stop here, and while I could sit here all day sniffing over yesterday being gone, today is ticking away. So, I'm off the computer and on to enjoy these awesome people for who they are today. One of them even made me coffee :-)

A Grand 11th Birthday

As we neared the end of our Great Southwestern Adventure, we had to decide where on the road to spend Boy Child's 11th birthday. He requested the Grand Canyon, and as luck would have it, we were close enough to make it happen.

We started the day with an attempt at making strawberry pancakes on the Coleman camp stove. They were some of the ugliest pancakes any of us had ever seen, but thankfully, he is not a picky or judgmental child, and he enjoyed our efforts, and the fact that they actually tasted pretty good.

This was followed by presents, which Girl Child and I had to be extremely sneaky to pull off the purchasing of since Boy Child was with us 24 hours a day. We orchestrated elaborate distraction schemes that sent them on made up errands all over the store while I stashed things in the cart. I think I looked a bit like a deranged shoplifter with my attempts at hiding everything, but we managed to get the birthday loot paid for, back to the tent and wrapped in brochures without him being able to identify any of his goodies.

We packed up camp, cramming everything in the car and heading west driving through some isolated and desolate landscapes top the eastern entrance of the Canyon. The Ranger at the kiosk did not seem all that happy about her job and made a semi scowling face of contempt when I asked her about campgrounds.

In honor of Miss Grumpy Ranger, I have a few suggestions for people visiting major National Parks on vacation:

1) Arriving on a Saturday afternoon with no campground reservation is apparently not the best idea.
2)When that Saturday lands during spring break, Free National Parks Week and is the day before Easter, it's even worse, and some of the rangers get really annoyed and look at you like your an idiot when you have the nerve to ask about where you might pitch a tent for the night.
3) The Grand Canyon would probably be a nightmare vacation to take a toddler on. Most of the trails have no railings, and if you aren't paying attention, you could just fall into the abyss. Hence, it is better suited for kids a bit older.

Since worrying about lodging wouldn't help anyway, we decided to just enjoy the drive along the rim, stopping to check out the sights and making our way towards the village. The canyon itself is obviously grand, but so are some of the buildings.

In the early 1900s, a woman named Mary Colter designed a number of really cool structures incorporating natural materials like stones from the park and Native American artwork into buildings that just fit really well into their environment. She was not only one of the few female architects of her time, but she had a terrific ability to bring to life buildings that work- they look like they belong in the landscape, and showcase the incredible views.

We also learned about the Kolb brothers, a couple of daredevils who are a big part of the history of the Grand Canyon. The two not only took insane boat rides down the river in the days of wooden boats and no life jackets, but also survived and brought back video tapes of their adventures. They set up a photography studio, which they lived in through many harsh seasons, and is now a museum.

By the time we made it to the village area, we knew we needed to start thinking about sleeping arrangements before night came. Of course all the campgrounds had "Full" signs, but I figured at least the Ranger might be able to tell me where the nearest open campground outside of the park was. Instead, she gave me a lecture.

I'm not sure what was with the gruff lady rangers there, but after she got done interrogating me about how important reservations are, and how difficult tourists with questions made her job, she said she would look in the computer and see what she could find. I could not believe when she said someone had just left early and we could have their site for 2 nights! This was an amazing bit of fortune because the closest campground outside of the park that was actually open for the season was 30 miles away! We were all beyond thrilled.

We froze at night, but were able to spend a few relaxing days hiking, riding the shuttles and checking out this big natural wonder. Another tip- it is much warmer in the buildings where the evening ranger programs are than it is in a tent. The programs were nice, but the warmth was wonderful.

When the wind settled down enough so that we weren't worried about being blown off the edge, we descended a few miles down into the canyon. We weren't  prepared for the multi day trek to the bottom and back, but met a group of cool people in their 60's going for it. Maybe we will try that on another trip.  For now, we were inspired by them.

Something else that sounded incredible, but was slightly out of the budget was a raft trip down the Colorado River which ended by being helicoptered out of the canyon. At $500 each plus tax and tip, we had to pass, but it really did sound fun.

In any case, Boy Child said that this was his funnest birthday yet, which I considered to be a compliment since we didn't have the usual big party with friends. We did have an adventure though, and he seems to be taking after me in that he loves the adventures. Plus, I didn't lose him like I did on his 10th birthday- that was a definite bonus, and is a story for another time.

After Zion and Bryce, then the Grand Canyon, I came away feeling an incredible sense of awe and faith. In the same way that each of these wonders can be so completely different, yet so amazing, I know that there are amazing and different adventures ahead for my family. I had not really had time to contemplate all of the life issues I had planned to on this trip, but somehow, I was feeling totally confident that things would turn out the way they were supposed to. It's been a fabulous adventure so far, and we're all looking forward to seeing where life takes us next.

Writing, writing, writing

When I was dreaming about taking a 5 week vacation to explore National Parks in the west, I imagined a trip full of time for reading, contemplating big life issues, and writing- lots and lots of productive writing. I thought I would chronicle my journey, keeping my blog up to date with our latest adventures every couple of days.

Well, it didn't exactly happen like that. I did not finish reading one of the 5 books I took with me on the trip, and I didn't do much in the way of contemplating either. I was too busy exploring. And while I was faithfully able to keep up with blog the first couple of weeks, as the journey went on, I got further and further behind.

Electricity can be hard to come by when you are living in a tent, and WIFI is sometimes a few days away. Besides, I was enjoying all the new sights and places, and I didn't want to leave that in search of a place to plug in. Just the very act of trying to figure out where we going next took up quite a bit of time as well. The basics like food and shelter won out over the blog, but I do have an assortment of scribbled notes, along with a bazillion photos, stubs of paper, and miscellaneous memorabilia that is waiting to be sorted and organized. Eventually, I have faith that at least some of it will get fashioned into something that will get posted or used somehow .

In the mean time, I am relishing one of the many life lessons that I took away from my time traveling- that is that there is a whole lot out in the world to enjoy. I cannot possibly see or do it all, but I want to see and do what I can at a pace that feeds my soul rather than sucking the life out of it. I really don't want to waste my time stressing out about trying to cram everything in, but spend it appreciating what I can.

Along those lines, rather than stressing about being behind on my blog, I am appreciating the recent successes I've had with my writing. I was on the road when my latest articles went to print, but they made it nonetheless.

As a writer for parenting magazines, I am blessed to get to research and learn about things that interest me, and get to interview a lot of inspirational people as well.

Here's a link to an article on baby wearing which I recently had the pleasure of writing for NorthState Parent Magazine. I love all those adorable babies, and am inspired by the dedicated mamas who pack them about. I also was asked to write about a wonderful couple who works with special needs kids, linked here. It's a great thing to see how many good people there are in the world doing terrific things for our future.

Finally, I have a  piece on CreekSchooling that is in the May / June issue of Home Education magazine. It's a piece I wrote quite a while back, but re-reading it reminds me of what a wonderful lifestyle we have found. Even better, it's in a magazine full of articles that support that lifestyle, by writers who can understand it.

I think I'll get off the computer, and enjoy that lifestyle with my family right now.

Countdown to Take Off!!!

Wow- I just looked at the calendar and the countdown is on. In a few short weeks, my kids and I will be heading off on our southwest adventure- two kids and a tent for 5 weeks in the desert. A few people have given us the big eyed look of concern as if no woman has ever driven a car more than 100 miles away from home, but mostly we are blessed with positive people who have offered tips, prayers, and loans of camping gear.
Now that I can actually see the take off day is in the very near future, I'm realizing how very much there still is to be done:
There's the pre-trip maintenance for the car. Oil change, tires and let's hope nothing else. I didn't get the nice mini motor home I originally envisioned for my cross country travels, but since the price of gas is rising like crazy, that's OK. Besides, I'll be driving myself most of the way, and I'm not sure how relaxing it would be to drive a big old beast. I could just picture myself forgetting the overhead height and taking out a Starbucks drive-thru.
I didn't get the super cool camper van that was my second plan either, but if I wait for a new vehicle to happen, then I may never get to go anywhere. So, we'll be going in my trusty old Volvo wagon, and it will be just fine.

We really need to set up and check out the tent that will be our home, and see if it is up for this trip, or if we need a new one. It needs to STOP RAINING for us to do this though! It also needs to stop raining in order for me to live in a tent for a month. I've done the whole wet, cold camping thing, and while maybe I gained some kind of character building skills, mostly, I think it stinks. I'm really hoping for nice warm, dry weather for this journey.
We could also use some more maps to help us figure out where we are and where we're going. We got some a while ago, but we wrote all over them in our planning phase, and they are impossible to refold now in any case. AAA membership rocks, if for the free maps alone. I'm thinking my kids will be map reading and navigational masters by the end of this adventure- this may not be on the state educational standards, but is a really useful life skill. I have to remember to renew the AAA membership too, since it  expires while we're on the road, and it's been known to come in handy on long distance car trips.
I also better stock up on food for the cats, dogs, chickens and goats so the animals on my little farm / petting zoo don't have to resort to eating each other while I'm gone. Dear Husband will be caretaker here during my absence, but I think the animals are most likely to actually get fed the right food if he has the supplies on hand.
Then, there's some homeschool projects, miscellaneous forms for contests my kids are entering, and a bunch of other assorted odds and ends to wrap up connected with work and life.
The list goes on and on, and actually, when I think too much about it, I start having heart palpitations. I'm trying to develop one of those zen type "whatever is meant to be done, will get done" attitudes, but it's not coming very naturally. On the bright side however, I'm really excited at how much my kids and I are learning as we prep for this trip.
Girl Child is my planner and has been previewing museums and parks online and noting stops that are "must see" and those that are rated "maybe." Being members of our local science museum gets us in to dozens of others for free, which always saves us a ton, and lets go to lots more places than we would otherwise spring for. We do still need to get a National Parks pass for the trip- there's another thing to add to my list.
Boy Child is busy downloading music like crazy so even when we are in desolate desert, we'll have tunes with us. He's also trying to figure out how many Legos, board games and assorted pieces of sports equipment he can fit in the car.
Between my running around tying up loose ends, and checking out campgrounds, I'm feeling very excited, a little nervous and mostly really, really, really looking forward to time away from classes, meetings, and schedules. I can't say I'll be getting away from driving, because I'll be driving across half the country, but at least I can stop when I want, and for the most part, I won't have to rush around to be places at a certain time.
My kids seem to be ready for a break too. The last couple of months somehow took on that insane kind of schedule that many of America seems to keep, but just plain wears our family out. I may not be doing the best job at prepping them for a future life of crunching numbers in a cubicle, but I think I'll be OK with raising free spirited adventurers.
As usual, I'd prefer to pass on the gloom and doom, but would welcome any positive advice for spending a month in a tent, traveling with kids or the best of the south west.

Goodbye Smack Talk- Welcome Happy Thoughts

Ash Wednesday was this week- the official kickoff of the season of Lent, and for the next 40 something days, I will doing my best to not talk any smack.

I am not Catholic, I do enjoy the self imposed challenge- well, maybe "enjoy" isn't the right word... I am drawn to to the concept of introspection, and of lengthening and growing by giving up something in the 6 weeks before Easter.

I always try to pick something that I really like and will actually have to work to give up. I like it to be an actual challenge, but I also want to be able to actually do it. I don't go so far as to try for anything that I might blow it on. Chocolate was a very, very hard one for me. I've also given up wine one year and coffee another. Apparently, I was slightly unpleasant during the coffee break year, so last year, when talking to my kids about what I would choose to give, they strongly encouraged me not to pick coffee. In fact, they decided they wanted in on the challenge as well, and we all gave up meat for the season.

My Girl Child had a great idea for Lent this year. We were going to give up excess media via the computer. We would still use the internet for school and work, but random time wasting, Facebook etc, was going to go. I was totally on board as I know I waste a fair amount of time getting sidetracked on the internet.

Then, we looked at the calendar and realized that for most of Lent, we will be on our trip across the Southwest. For one thing, who knows how much internet we will even have access to from our tent in the Grand Canyon. There goes the challenge. For another, when we do have internet access, it will probably be our primary means of communicating with our friends and family. I knew we'd want to post updates on Facebook and blogs as we go, so that made our choice less logical.

Boy Child suggested giving up meat again, but I wasn't so sure. At home, we can make a big pot of beans or potato soup a little more easily than I can at a camp stove, and when eating on the road, there is a lot of meat to be had.

I decided instead to try to give up talking smack. I know it's kind of a broad thing, but for my purposes, I'm defining smack as general negative and unpleasant talk. I've noticed lately how easy it is for our whole family to just get on a negative roll with the way we speak. Somebody's driving too slowly in front of us, and off we go with the negativity. It's not nice, and it's not a very good example for my kids. So for me, I'm trying to follow the advice my Grandma gave me- "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."

This is not going to be an easy one for me. In fact, my blogging may drop substantially because my rants will be off limits. It is completely possible that sometimes, I will have absolutely nothing nice to say and will be forced into silence.

I am only 2 days in to this, and I'm amazed at how often I find myself talking smack in my own head even. The very first morning, as if God thought it would be amusing to really test me, I had to drive to town at 7:30 for a meeting. I've mentioned before my tendencies towards grumpy mornings...well, I probably had to redirect my thoughts at least 5 times in the 30 minute drive.

But, I could see a huge difference in how I felt when I consciously stopped thinking about how many annoying things there were around me. Day 2 was another early morning, which turned into a 12 hour day in town that included a trip to Walmart. Now, if there was ever a place where I could talk smack without even trying, it would be on a trip to Walmart, but I resisted. Let me tell you... it was a challenge alright. I am thinking God has a very good sense of humor.

So, I hope you'll wish me luck in stopping the smack talk, and help me on my path. I personally am welcoming the happy thoughts. Has anyone else ever tried to give up negative smack talk? How did you do? I'd love any tips on making it through the challenges of the season of Lent.