Grumpy Mornings

A perpetually excited little terrier jumping up and down next to my head at 5:00 in the morning is not my favorite way to start the day. I try to put a pillow over my head and ignore her, but she is insistent. I know she is trying to tell me she needs to go out, and if I don't listen, I know I will have a mess to clean up later. It's freezing when I get out of bed, and Bouncy Dog decides to run down the hill, chasing a skunk and barking her head off. When I return from rounding her up, sleep is elusive.

By 6:30, I give up on the idea of sleep and decide I'll try to get some work done on the computer before the kids wake up.

By 7:00, I am trying not to curse because my new work laptop is giving me grief again and telling me I am not authorized to do anything. The IT folks at work are not in yet, and even if they were, I know if I get on the phone that no matter how softly I speak, my children will hear me with their bionic ears, and I will be ON for the day. So, I try just getting on my personal laptop to read some emails. Husband is next to me, trying to chat, as if we have not been married for over 15 years, and he has never had the opportunity to notice I am not chatty at this hour.

At least he made me coffee, but before I can enjoy it, I hear rustling, and know that my Boy Child is up. I try not to growl because that isn't a nice way to greet your family in the morning, but it is only 7 stinking 15. I operating on very little sleep. I have been up for over two hours during which I've had about 30 seconds to myself, and I have done absolutely nothing that I would have wanted to do. At least I don't have to rush off anywhere today. That would definitely make things worse. Breakfast and books with my kids I can do, even if I am sleep deprived.

I know there are homeschooling families who get up at the crack of dawn each day and gather around to start on their morning lessons. I've met them, yet I just don't quite understand. One of the top reasons I love homeschooling is the ability to wake when we're ready. Even if we don't actually sleep in very often, I prefer at least to not have to deal with people outside of my immediate family early in the morning.

There are times when we do have to get up early and go places, and we do manage, so it's not like we're incompetent. I just really prefer to make those days a minority, as the scowl lines they leave on my face are hard, if not impossible, to get rid of. On the occasions we do head into town with all the other regular 8:00 to 5:00 folks, I find myself looking around at school kids standing in ice waiting for buses and parents rushing off to work, and wonder what on earth we are all thinking? Most people don't really look that happy and ready to greet the day. They look rushed and tired, and I wonder if wherever we are all heading to is really all that important that we need to be on the road getting in each others way? Sure, a few people look all bright and cheery, but they are the minority, and they just baffle me. I do not usually feel bright nor cheery. I'd much rather be drinking coffee and reading books at home.

I really, really, really appreciate starting the day in a leisurely way without alarms, or a little dog bouncing and then barking for that matter. A little quiet time to myself before I greet the world really goes a long way. I also really, really appreciate when my kids sleep in so I can have this. I'm so much nicer when I'm relaxed. We all are.

I've heard of parents waking kids on weekends solely for the sake of making them get up, and I just don't quite get it. Personally, there is no way on earth I would wake a sleeping, and thereby perfectly happy and quiet child, unless I actually needed to.

I know, I know, I've been told a million times, "The early bird gets the worm." Well, maybe I don't want the worm. I've also been told that I should really be making my kids get up early and go so they can get used to the stress of it. Well, I lived with the stress of it my entire childhood, and a good chunk of my adulthood. I don't really feel any better off for it. I certainly don't like it or look forward to it as an adult. My Girl Child said it nicely when at about 5 years old, an adult gave her the early bird / worm lecture. She responded "Yes, but the night owl gets the big, fat, juicy mouse!"

So, we're accepting that not everyone has to get up early and rush out into the world everyday. For now, we are night owls. We can read, study, play and learn just as well after 8 AM, and can probably deal with the outside world more productively after we have had nice, quiet mornings to ourselves. When and if we have to, we will do the early bird routine, but why go looking for extra struggles when life will surely hand you plenty of them anyway?

I'm curious how many homeschooling families wake their kids just to start "school at home" and how many just let them sleep and wake to learn when ready if they have no other obligations?

Sing Song Story of the World

A few years ago, someone loaned me a copy of the first volume in Susan Wise Bauer's "Story of the World" series. She uses a "story based" approach to introducing historical periods, which I thought was a lot more fun than a boring textbook. I wouldn't exactly say that I have a "classical child" which the subtitle states this is history for, but I do have a couple of story lovers, so they both enjoyed this approach as well.
Our family loves tie in activities too, so I not only kept the borrowed book for ages, I also got the corresponding activity book to go with it. There are about 14 times more activities listed for each chapter than I could possibly imagine doing, but perhaps someone more organized than me might actually accomplish all of them with their kids. I like to have a lot to choose from in any case, so I appreciated the offerings that ranged from maps to coloring to crafts to cooking. We've only done a fraction of the offerings, but have had fun with the ones we've tried.

A while later, while lamenting curriculum purchases that we never finish with a group of other relaxed homeschooling moms like myself (meaning we are relaxed as far as curriculum, not necessarily as far as all other things in life, but anyway...) another friend mentioned that she had the CDs for several volumes in the Story of the World series. She talked up the way her kids could listen in the car or in beds, while she was busy doing something other than reading. Well we love audio books, and I was very excited to hear about this option. I mentioned this, but unfortunately, she did not offer to loan them to me- probably because she heard that I had borrowed the book for so long.

Oh well. I am resourceful, and I was able to find a copy of the second volume on CD "The Middle Ages" in a homeschool lending library (which has very long check out periods and no late fees, both of which work really well for me.) So we snatched it up, and I ordered the activity book for it as well.

Well, we're enjoying the stories in the second volume, but I do have to say that this is one case where both my kids and I preferred my reading the books aloud over listening to them on the CDs. When listening to a story, the experience really comes down to the narrator and whether or not they have your attention. In this case, the narrator sounds like a very nice lady, but has one of those patronizing preschool teacher kind of voices. I feel a little like she's talking down to me the whole time. There's just something about condescending tones, that are also found in many "educational" videos, just don't really do it for me or my kids.

I wonder why people feel the need to use a "you're not smart enough for this so I'm going to really enunciate, smile a lot, and use small words" voice with kids? Personally, I have never been one to talk in those tones or dumb down conversations with my own kids, so they tend to be baffled when other people share educational facts in a very happy sing song voice, at the slowest speed possible.

With videos and CDs, they just roll their eyes, and sometimes start doing impersonations throughout the day. "Mother..." (pause for 10 seconds with scary smile) ..."I'm going to do my chores now. Chores are household jobs that helpful children perform." With real life humans, they are polite enough not to roll their eyes, but I can tell it annoys the heck out of them.

So, again, while we liked the stories, we couldn't quite figure out what my friend was so excited about with the audio versions. I mean, we were amused when at one point in story of Beowulf, the narrator exclaims in a perfect remedial educator voice "Beowulf ripped off their arms, and caused them great harm." While it gave us a good laugh, I still wasn't hooked. Then, I realized that the version I acquired is not the same one she has.

Apparently, I have the singsong version of Story of the World and she has the version that is narrated by Jim Weiss! Now, we've heard fabulous tales told by this fellow, and I am quite sure his version would be much more up my alley. But, probably due to my "long borrowing" history, my friend has still not offered to loan me her CDs, and the lending library isn't purchasing new copies. I'm just glad I borrowed this one instead of purchasing it myself.

We'll still finish the volume, as we do like the stories, but when we move on to the next volumes, I'll be on the look out for the least sing song version possible. If I don't find those, we'll stick with the paper book versions and go back to the tried and true method of my reading aloud. In any case, we are still enjoying the series, the stories, and the activities that go along with them.

I'd love to hear about other fun history sources your family is using. What have you enjoyed....or not enjoyed?

Fearful Freak Outs

It never ceases to amaze me how much people love to share and spread fears. I don't know if freaking other people out in the process is a motivator or just an unfortunate side effect, but in either case, I wonder what the point is. It certainly isn't very productive or helpful.

Here's an example- My kids and I are planning to visit all 50 states in the next few years, and are currently preparing for the first leg- halfway cross country with 2 kids and a tent. Some people are excited for us, but others can't seem to tell me enough just how dangerous the idea is. You would think we were heading off in a canoe down an uncharted river full of poisonous snakes instead of driving on public highways in a developed nation. They say we could be mugged, murdered, abducted. Lions, tigers, bears- Oh my!

The fact that we walk the streets downtown in our own city all the time and theoretically we could be mugged and murdered right here at home is something they don't seem to acknowledge. When I asked one relative in particular about this, (who was so nervous at the thought of my journey that she had an attack of the hiccups) she said "Out of state weirdos are always creepier than local weirdos." Well, I took a good look around, and it seems to me that there's weirdos a plenty all over the place, including an abundance of locally grown creepy ones. I just try to steer clear of them. Just a few minutes perusing the local news online brings up plenty of stories full of big time creepers as well as just general idiots causing trouble.


That's precisely why I avoid large doses of the news. I do like to know what's going on in the world for the most part, but I also think it's damaging to be bombarded with all the trauma, woe and suffering that most news media is focused on. Who needs all that bad news? And where is the good news?

I had a rather negative and bitter person imply that I was naive and sheltered because I prefer not to watch bad news, especially with my kids. They said we couldn't just pretend bad things weren't happening in the world. I found it interesting that this person who has a steady diet of not only news, but numerous homicide shows, does very little if anything in the way of volunteering, donating or otherwise trying to improve the world. They do seem to spend a good deal of time complaining and brewing fears. I may not enjoy watching images of devastation and death, and I try to avoid putting the images in my kids minds either, but we are all aware there are plenty of things that need fixing in the world. We just prefer to spend our time and money trying to help where we actually can instead of just gawking and complaining.


Sometimes I know fears are based on genuine concern, as in the case of my hiccuping relative, but other times I'm not so sure. I teach childbirth classes and my clients are often slammed by horror stories of everything that could possibly go wrong. For goodness sakes- the world is overpopulated because the whole birth / baby thing works. And how exactly is telling scary stories about childbirth to a pregnant woman who is about to go through the process supposed to be helpful? The stories never seem to have any type of prevention theme, just fear about how close to death they will be. My theory is that sharing these nightmares is therapeutic for the teller, and they usually are not even thinking about the impact it will have on their audience. Maybe if they realized how much anxiety they were creating they would shut up?


Since some people probably won't realize, and won't shut up with their fear spreading, I just tend to smile at the talker and pretend I am listening while making a noise in my heads to block out the story- something like you hear on Charlie brown when the adults talk "Wah, wah, wah, wah wah"  or I also really like "I can't hear you. I'm not listening. You can't make me."

I figure that life is full of adventures, and they generally are a little scary. That's what makes them different from ordinary, every day life. I just don't want to be so afraid of things that I miss out on opportunities. I'm trying to teach my kids to be safe and smart, not fearful. The world is a wonderful place, and we want to see it. So when we head across country or just out the front door, we'll just try to use our brains, and ignore the fearful freak outs.

Balancing the Tiger in the West

By now, most people have probably chimed in on the controversy of Amy Chua's Wall Street Journal article about her strict parenting methods. I think I instinctively raised one eyebrow and had a slight nostril flare / lip curl reaction to the title "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior." Since I am not a Chinese mother, the title implied that I am inferior, and no mother likes to hear that. In fact, it's likely to bring out the inner angry bull of this Western Latina mother. (I read in a subsequent interview that Chua did not chose the headline, but I am sure the hullabaloo will help boost sales of her book.) I also instinctively knew that in reading the article, I was probably going to feel like I was having the finger pointed at me as a "slacker parent."

As a homeschooling mother in a primarily Caucasian area, I can tell you that Asians are not the only ones who have high standards and work their children hard. I've seen lots of white kids who are required to spend hours on grueling projects, and I think that they sometimes get the resulting prodigy offspring as well. Chua would probably gasp at my relaxed and eclectic homeschooling style- not quite unschooling, but what I refer as "fun-schooling" just as I'm sure that some of the more formal homeschooling families around here are mortified by my methods of the combining of fun and education. I've heard moms at park day lamenting the hours of hair pulling (figuratively, not literally) and tears over painful math worksheets, and phonics lessons. I doubt however that the Western parents would publicly admit if they withheld bathroom privileges or food, because even in a pro spanking crowd, that's a little hard core.

While I was a little shocked and saddened by some of her methods, I think that Chua has already had a more than sufficient tongue lashing for her parenting style, apparently including death threats and calls for her to "go back to China." Unfortunately, that is a risk of putting your work in front of a large scale audience of people who grew up on the idea that they have a right to say what they think. Regrettably, some aren't smart enough to realize that other people have the same free speech rights they do, even if they don't agree, and that just because they are thinking something, doesn't mean they have to say it. A few of them will just be rude and ugly.

Not at all meaning to be ugly, but from the outside, it doesn't sound very fun to be a child at Chua's house. On the other hand, it does sound like she does what she does out of love. Depending on the results you're looking for, the militant style may produce them. If you are able to break their spirit, you will either get compliant kids who excel, or miserable ones who loathe themselves and their parents and crack under the pressure. Of course, if they are Western enough in their thinking, they may just rebel too.

Chua does have a valid point though that there are certainly plenty of young Western kids with a sense of entitlement who have no idea how or why they should work for anything. This is where the balance comes in. Personally, I don't want hard workers who aren't free thinkers, and I don't want little wankers either. I don't want to raise kids to believe that they have to do things they hate just to please other people, or kids who think everyone should do everything for them. I want to raise people who like life, and like themselves- who know how to work hard when they have a goal- who understand that life isn't always easy and that sometimes you have to do things you don't like, but at the same time will question authority and think creatively to avoid mind numbing fates like crunching numbers in a cubicle (unless of course they actually enjoy crunching numbers in a cubicle, then by all means, I want them to go for it.)

What I really don't want to raise is trained poodles who will jump through hoops and perform tricks on demand because they are afraid the shock collar will come out if they don't. I am not raising worker bees, I'm raising kids, and I want them to be happy kids. To clarify, I don't think wanky kids who get whatever they want are happy. They often seem miserable too, just in a different way than stifled kids, but the wankers make everyone else miserable right along with them.

To me, being relaxed doesn't mean we don't have standards, or that my kids don't work hard, show respect, or have goals. I think it sometimes surprises folks in the stricter camps to see my kids winning writing awards and art contests when we don't push any of these things. The thing is they enjoy those things, and want to work hard on them, so they do. It's self motivation at it's best, and when a person has a natural talent, the end results are easier to see. But I'm also happy for my kids to try things that aren't natural talents for them. They can play sports or try activities, even if they aren't #1, and I don't feel the need to get them an award just for trying. I still expect them to try hard and do their best, and hopefully enjoy the season. If they don't, then what's the point in my driving them there?

I don't think I could ever be a Tiger mother like Chua, nor would I want to. My kids in fact, were mortified when I told them about her methods. They will however attest to the fact that I can certainly roar when I need to.

Sugar...His and Hers

Isn't it amazing how differently people, even in the same family, can go about life? My kids and I have been having some great discussions about this lately. We hang out with a pretty eclectic group of families so the fact that different families have different ways is not exactly new, but the older they get, the more they notice. They have also been noticing more and more lately the differences under our roof.

I assume that if you have been with your significant other a while, you probably notice that you have some significant differences too? My Dear Husband and I were well aware that we thought differently about a lot of things from the beginning. We don't even always agree on the big stuff like politics and religion, but it was never a big deal- it was just how we are. In fact, I rarely even thought about the differences........ until we had kids. Then, our separate ways were a little more front and center.

Of course everyone has their own ways of doing things in life, and that's OK an all, but in the end, I'm usually pretty certain that my way is the right way. I often think that if people would just do things my way, life would run so much more smoothly (for me at least.)

Lest I sound unreasonable and selfish in my opinion here, I have to say that at least when it comes to my family, I put a whole lotta thought and research into my ideals, goals and decision making. It may look like I'm just winging it, but I've really put a lot of work into it. Thankfully, even if we don't agree on details, we do agree on the big picture- a healthy family that loves each other.

Still, the other day I was struck by this one little example of how we do things differently...

When buying sugar for the family, here is what I would bring home:

When Dear Husband comes home from the store with sugar, here is what he buys:

Thankfully, this is just sugar, and it's not really the end of the world if we end up consuming a bleached, processed product that was a "great value" rather than the organic and rather lovely product that I would have chosen to sweeten our lives. So, in times like these, I am learning to just let go and try to be glad that I don't have to drink black coffee. I do hope my children will end up choosing my (better) product when they are making the choice for themselves, but I also hope they will know that it's OK if not everyone makes the same choice, and that you can love a person, even if they bring home products that you would be embarrassed to have in your shopping cart.

Popping Up Some Edible Science

My hands on family loves both food and science, so we were really excited to come across Vicki Cobb's book Science Experiments You Can Eat at the library.
It isn't slick or glossy, nor does it have a lot of colorful illustrations. But, it is full of all kinds of fun chemistry and science experiments, most of which seem plenty easy to try at home.  While everything I looked at in the book so far has involved food ingredients, they did not all sound like something I would want to eat. Molds for example... not so tasty sounding.

We started with something that we would want to eat- the popcorn experiments. We love popcorn and our air popper is out a couple of times a week, For this experiment, we were looking at measuring the moisture in popcorn kernels, and how varying amounts would effect the finished product.

One group of popcorn kernels were to be soaked in water overnight. Not being professional scientists, but rather a group of sidetracked multi-taskers, we accidentally forgot all about the kernels the next day, so they actually ended up soaking for a couple of days. When we remembered, the kernels had swollen incredibly, and the water actually had a fairly strong alcoholic smell to it. So, we ended up with a bonus experiment in brewing, however, we decided that the children should probably not actually consume that batch. Never one to waste though, I figured we could just give it to the chickens.

 The second batch, was to be dried in the oven on a very low heat for a couple of hours. Now, I would have thought that popcorn kernels are already dried, but apparently, we were just removing any trace of moisture that was there. Thankfully, we did not forget about this batch, as I'm sure the results would have been even smellier than the forgotten wet batch. The kernels didn't look dramatically different, but they did shrink up a bit.

The last batch was the control- just plain popcorn. We wanted to observe how the kernels varied in appearance, size and weight both before and after popping.

My Girl Child is an organized little thing, so she got busy and took thorough notes of the process. I got out the butter and nutritional yeast, ready to snack.

The wet batch not only smelled bad, but it hardly popped at all.

The super dried batch popped, but not as well as it normally would. It didn't quite look right, and when we tasted it, well, it was really dry. Not that popcorn isn't usually dry, but this was not your normal dry- it was like sandpaper dry.

The normal batch popped up light and fluffy as we expected and it was the only one we ate. The chickens didn't complain about the pitifully popped and possibly alcoholic wet batch or the dry as the desert batch. In fact, they happily gobbled it all up, and if they were at all "loopy" afterward, we couldn't tell the difference. It was cold out anyway, so maybe it helped to keep them warm that night.

We learned that apparently there is a science to having just the right amount of moisture in popcorn kernels, and that manufacturers can't just wing it when they dry it, or they will have unhappy customers and an unpleasant product.

We've tried a few other experiments out of the book, and will try more in the future, I'm sure. Some we are likely to actually eat, like the rock candy, and others we are not so likely to consume, like the ones involving molds. In any case, it's a fun little book with lots of great activities, so don't let the lack of pretty pictures discourage you.

What kinds of science experiments is your family popping up these days?
 

Teasing

Recently some moms in my local homeschool email list mentioned that their kids had been teased in some of their classes. Although there was a small response along the lines of "kids will be kids" or "that's just life," I think most people were genuinely surprised that teasing was happening in such small groups of homeschooled kids. No one likes to believe their kids could be a part of such things, especially when we've gone out of the way to give them happy, sheltered childhoods. Homeschooling families take on a big commitment for raising our kids ourselves, and I know I keenly feel the responsibility that comes with that.

I think one of the hardest things for kids (or adults) to do when they see someone being teased or bullied is to stand up for the victim. Many people won't actually take part in the bullying, but they won't say anything against it either. I want my kids to know that if they see someone being mean to another kid, it's OK to say something like "Knock it off" or throw them a look that lets them know clearly they don't think their bullying is cool. I know confronting people is really uncomfortable, and not at all easy to do. In some situations, it could just turn the bully against you, but just standing there watching makes the victim feel like everyone there agrees with the bully. And I think some bullies thrive on an audience. If they can't take a stand, at least say "Let's go" and / or at some point let the victim know that you don't agree with whatever meanness was happening.

While there is some teasing that homeschooled kids may incur, I really don't think it is anything like what most kids in school have witnessed. Certainly my kids know very little of bullying compared to what I saw by the time I was their ages. They can't even imagine. The thing is, outside of schools, it isn't really so much a part of life. Of course there are jerks in the world, but as an adult I haven't really seen other adults blatantly making fun of hair, clothes, body shape, physical ability etc in the malicious ways I recall kids behaving. I've heard adults talk about other people behind their backs (which is not cool either,) but not the straight in your face meanness. I can't imagine going into a workplace and hearing "That outfit makes you look fat and your hair is stupid."

As parents, it is definitely our job to let our kids know what is ok behavior and what isn't. Even if it isn't meant to be cruel, words can hurt, and kids should know that. It's one thing if a 2 year old says "Why are you so fat?" or "Why is your car all rusty?" or "This food is gross" and it's a completely different scene if an 10 year old says the same thing. At some point, they should know that it is rude.

That's just my 14 cents...
What's your take on teasing?

Enjoying the New Year

Another year gone and a new one on the horizon. I love fresh starts, and all the possibilities that dreams and goals for the future bring. My friend Erin inspired me a few days ago with a blog post about her word for the year. Her "forging" ahead was inspired by another writer who talks about forgoing resolutions in favor of choosing a single word as a focus for change. I like this idea quite a bit and I've been thinking about it for days. So many words....so many directions to grow....how to choose just one? 

I thought I had my word for the year with "Enjoy" but then I remembered there's already a Northern California lifestyle magazine with that name. In fact, I had been thinking that I would enjoy writing for "Enjoy" in the New Year, so maybe I need another word of my own. 

So, being a geeky word type who also dislikes stealing other people's thunder, I hit thesaurus.com where I spent a good amount of time getting lost in synonyms. Then I wasted a bunch more time researched even further going in all kinds of directions, perusing random vocabulary sites in my search for the perfect word to inspire me into 2011. Relish? Savor? Revelry? Treasure? Celebrate? Merriment? Luxuriate? Laugh? Abundance? I got completely sidetracked and was on to words like "chortle" and "cackle," the latter of which has actually been used to describe my merriment, but I don't think that makes it a word to live by. Maybe"patience" (or maybe I should be realistic.) "Love" is a good one, and so is "Blessings." So many words, I may have to get back to you....

For now, I still really like "enjoy" as it covers a lot of bases, and it truly does sum up how I'd like to live. Maybe I'll keep it as my word for the year- I'm OK with choosing to enjoy my New Year, even if I'm not the only one using the word. It's a great word after all. I'm hoping the magazine folks won't mind either, and as long as I leave "magazine" out of my "enjoy," I don't think I'll be violating any copyright laws either.

In any case, I felt blessed and happy as I luxuriated in eating, drinking and being merry during a mellow, but happy New Years Eve with people I enjoy.We laughed, (I may have even cackled) played family games and watched movies, and eventually watched the festivities in New York on TV.

The highlight of our festivities was about 20 minutes to midnight when I went out to get yet more firewood to keep us from freezing before morning, and surprisingly, it was SNOWING. I ran in to get the kids who immediately ran outside and shrieked with joy. They ran back in shortly when they realized they had forgotten to bundle up and they were freezing. Layers of clothing were added and back out they went to dance and celebrate the magical midnight snow. The made another run out to bang pots and pans a little after midnight just in case anyone in the county had managed to not hear the revelry the first two times. It was a very happy way to ring in a new year.

The snow lasted till morning. It wasn't quite enough to sled by, but the kids tried anyway. The may be a tad bruised, but they are young and full of resilience. Hey- that's another good word- "resilience." I can't wait to hear what the kids come up with as their word for 2011.  Girl Child is leaning towards "fun."

I wish you all blessings, and hope you Enjoy the New Year!

Toxic and Contagious Attitudes

Does everyone has pessimistic people in their lives? I have a few in my life that are just really hard to shake for one reason or another. Even though there are only a couple, and they aren't always negative (just most of the time) their unpleasant outlook on life is really contagious and after a short time of exposure, I feel like I am surrounded by bleakness. While I do love these people, I also can see that they can have really toxic effects on me. I don't know if I'm more influenced by negativity than anyone else, but I do know that a short time around bitter people leaves me feeling irritated and grumpy myself.

It seems to me a waste of the gift of life to walk around feeling annoyed and angry all the time, and I really don't enjoy feeling that way myself. There are certainly times when sadness or anger are valid and appropriate, but for the most part, I'd rather be laughing.

Since realizing the contagious nature of these toxic attitudes, I'm really trying to make a conscious effort to protect myself, and my family, because we all know that if Mama isn't happy, nobody's happy. I read something once about safeguarding our family from bad moods in the same way we would protect them from the flu. If you knew someone had swine flu or bird flu or whooping cough, most people wouldn't have their children spend a lot of time in close contact with the infectious person, at least not while they were ill. As parents, I would think that even if we were the ones with the contagious disease, we would want to limit our kids' exposure until we were better. The theory of applying this perspective to bad attitudes as well made some sense to me. Of course, we can't completely prevent kids from being exposed to all negative moods any more than we can keep them from ever catching a cold. I don't want to live in a bubble, but when the mood is downright toxic, I don't see a lot of benefit in making loved ones endure it.

I also recall reading that even though all kinds of moods can be contagious, bad moods permeate social settings sooner and last longer in social settings than good ones do. Since I'm not particularly organized or scholarly, I don't remember the sources to cite them, but they did appear legitimate to me and in any case, they made enough sense to me that I wanted to think about implementing the strategy in my own life. I know I'd rather have laugh lines than scowl marks on my face any day, and I'd much rather my children are surrounded by pleasant people than bitter ones. So, I've been looking at ways to limit exposure to toxic attitudes and people with them.
I think of this as a life skill, and I'm also encouraging this as something for my kids to think about when they choose friends, activities etc. While I have some control over these things in their lives now, they will be on their own someday, and I want them to have the skills to deal or get away from unpleasant situations and people. This will take practice for all of us I'm sure. Some cases and some people are just easier to avoid than others, so I'd love to hear how other people handle it. How do you deal with bitter relatives, negative neighbors, or just plain disagreeable, sour, poisonous or distasteful folks in your life- especially the hard to ditch ones?

Holiday Wrap Up

My family and I aim for thinking of and celebrating Christmas as a season, rather than just a day- a season of joy and light, like all the greeting cards say, rather than just of crowds and madness. Of course, it's hard to completely ignore the crowds and madness. People are everywhere, out in full force. We don't live in a big city, but it feels like one this time of year. Lines are long, but thankfully this year, I haven't seen so much of the short tempers.

What I have seen are some wonderfully refreshing examples of the true spirit of Christmas- kindness, sharing and love. My kids experienced Christmas caroling for a terminally ill woman. They didn't know her personally, but when they heard the situation, they responded immediately. While the woman was only semi-coherent due to her condition- she was in her last days- I think we could all see how much the gesture meant to her husband.

Some gestures seem small, but are still there- kids choosing to donate their time and their things, or to give up something they wanted. Boy child had really wanted a "real Christmas tree" as in a big pine or spruce. We hiked in the woods near our house to fine one, but when we noticed how few pines their were, he agreed with Girl Child that we shouldn't take one of the few. Instead, we took an alternative route and went with a native shrub that there are many many of. We overestimated the size of our living room and had to do some severe pruning. Dear husband was doubtful about our alternative Christmas shrub, but the end result was rather lovely, and the goats benefited with a feast from the scraps.

Even strangers giving up their place in line to other frazzled shoppers, people being patient with small, tired kids and elderly- a small boy at a holiday party saying "I believe in Santa... you have to believe, or his sleigh won't fly" - these things warm my heart and make me smile.

Christmas Day is past, and it was a good one. Lots of good food, and no drama. The gifts were nice and mostly well thought out.  My favorite comment of the day accompanied a pair of Skinny Jeans "I LOVE Santa!" Then, looking at the size label, "Hey, cool, Santa shops at Old Navy." While I know some kids got an Ipad (that they will probably be bored with in a month or two,) gifts at our house were not of that scale.

What is really awesome, (and although it seems slightly like something out of an after school special, I swear, it's true) is that both of my kids said "This is the BEST Christmas ever!" Boy Child's favorite gift was a Yo-Yo (even over a Lego Batman game for Wii) and he played so long his finger lost circulation and changed color (I suggested another activity at this point.) After a few rounds of Banagrams and Apples to Apples,  Girl Child curled up on her giant purple fuzzy pillow and some new books. I ate enough chocolate and Brie cheese to keep a small country alive for a year, a put on my new PJs and slippers to write. The cats chased ribbons, and the dogs endured being dressed up, then ate scraps of Roast Beast. Everyone was happy.

The celebrating is still going on for us. We have one more family dinner today, and I need to get off the computer because I still have to whip up some last minute craftiness to bring with us. I hope the season continues to bring joy and love to your families.