Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Bitter Sweet

In the midst of a crazy surge of fall decluttering, I'm taking down pictures off the walls and moving stacks of old drawings and notebooks, and it hits me- how much my kids have grown. It hits me when I look at the photos of tiny people who were perpetually attached to me, in arms, in a sling, in my lap, for years, and it hits me again when I see the crayon drawing of a curvy stick woman with a fancy feathered hat and labeled "mama."

It's a bittersweet moment of motherhood. My kids are not so little anymore. Sure, they still look small and young when I look at them next to the big teens, but as they sprout up what seems like inches every week, and I watch their interests and comprehension of the world blossom on newer and more mature levels, I realize that the days of fairy wings and super hero capes and doll houses are gone. And part of me wants to cry.

Of course these days have their beauty, and I love being able to spend them with my kids. The conversations are deeper, the things they are able to help with and do are wonderful. I am honored to be a part of this process- to watch, guide and just be along for the ride with these cool people. I love who my children are and who they are becoming, but I will miss the sweet and innocent days- the gnomes and magic and glitter, the tiny little hands in mine, the silly jokes, and cuddles and snuggles.

But time passes and people grow and things change, probably faster than many of us would like. Part of me wants to add more little kids to our family to prolong the wonder of those little kid days, but that is easier said than done, and who knows, I may just be being nostalgic and unrealistic. The whole thing was probably a lot harder and more work than I am remembering as I look at all of the drawings and pictures of days gone by.

What I do know for sure is that time isn't going to stop here, and while I could sit here all day sniffing over yesterday being gone, today is ticking away. So, I'm off the computer and on to enjoy these awesome people for who they are today. One of them even made me coffee :-)