Boy Child's Blog

I love real life learning. It's what I've attempted to have as the foundation of our happy little homeschool since my kids were of preschool age. The latest installment has been a project of my Boy Child's.

He wanted to start a blog a while back, and I figured that anything that encouraged him to write was a good thing, so I set him up. I tell you, it was awesome. He spent hours writing, finding clip art, figuring out how to do links and embed videos. It was some serious hands on learning.

He mostly writes about video games, sports and funny things he finds online- typical stuff of interest to an 11 year old boy. The thing is, he writes and rewrites and researches and revises again, and he appears to really enjoy doing it. I sometimes want to get in there and correct and suggest etc, but I'm resisting the urge. This is his baby, and I'm loving seeing him have this outlet.

At first, I wanted to keep the blog private, only able to be viewed by select friends and family, but lately, he's been wanting a larger audience. I can totally relate. When you work hard on something, you want to share it with the world. You want other people to look at it, appreciate it, and hopefully leave positive comments. It's even better when it's not just coming from relatives.

So, after a few talks about internet safety and the possibility of negative people, we opened my Boy Child's blog - Hurricane Henry to everyone. I know he'd love if you'd have a look, and even better, share it with your kids, and encourage them to comment. He'd love the feedback.

If you're looking for a venue to get your kids writing, maybe they too could start a blog. Or maybe they could write a guest post for another kids blog? Who knows the future of this project, but for now, I'm happy to see him learning, writing and having fun.

The Summer Bucket List

I suppose the season doesn't technically start until the solstice, but Memorial Day Weekend is the kick off to summer around here.

Every season has it's list of things we'd like to do, but summer seems to have the most free time for the most people, so dreams and ideas run a little larger. Well, you know how you often really want to do something, and before you know it it's too late? 

Enter the Summer Bucket List Challenge. It's based on the idea of really making an effort to do those things- you know- make the things you want to happen actually happen.

As a lover of lists, plans, goals and challenges (self induced ones that is... I find outside challenges frustrating, and would just as soon do without) I was super excited to come across this idea and jumped on board.

The folks at the Happy Family Movement even organized this community effort where you can sign up for free and they'll send you ideas, inspiration and nice little reminders and inspirations along the way.

So, I sat down with my family for a little brain storming session of what makes summer special to us.

We came up with all sorts of good stuff! I steered away from spendy things that might be harder to make happen, and towards things that fit my fun frugalista theme- things like sleeping under the stars, making smores, taking the dogs hiking, and making home made ice cream. (Interestingly, ice cream made an appearance in 4 different places on our list, which I consider a sign that it is something I must need in my life this summer.)

If you're anything like me and lose lists all the time, you can follow the inspiration of the Happy Family folks and string up cards with your goals. We put ours in a spot where we can see them all the time and be reminded daily of what we want to enjoy. We even found a real bucket in the garage to drop the items in as we finish them.

We're more excited than ever for summer now. How about you? What's on your summer bucket list?

Just What I Needed- The $100 Start Up

I pulled into the driveway after a long and hard day. Waiting for my Boy Child to open the gate, I just hoped he'd hurry. I was exhausted- both physically and mentally.

It had been one of those days when all the little things that cost money started adding up into a big ugly pile in my lap. I may be a master frugalista, but life still requires cash, and sometimes you need a little more than others. This summer had a lineup of things-from fun stuff like camping trips to the necessary and big stuff like a newer reliable car to get my family around- all of which would require more cash.

Being an industrious kind of gal, I perused the local job boards. Ugh. It was awful. Have you looked at employment sites lately? In the area I live, the lack of suitable jobs for me was totally discouraging, but not as much as the micro salary range of the jobs I did see.

While lamenting my dismal prospects, Boy Child came up and showed me the hole he had worn in his shoes, and Girl Child let me know that she had outgrown her swimsuit. It continued like this with things raining down- dental visits, vet visits, some wonderful opportunities that were great deals- some just things we'd just need to deal with whether we liked it or not- but all requiring me to think about how to round up money.

Driving home, I was thinking about how miserable I would be in some of the jobs that were available, and wondered how I'd live on one. It was a scary and overwhelming thought, and wasn't helping me with my dilemma at all.

So, when Boy Child found a box at the gate, I perked up and ripped it open before we even got to the house.

Don't you just love when things show up in life exactly when you need them?

It was a brand new copy of Chris Guillebeau's new book- The $100 Startup. The subtitle was like a message just for me- "Reinvent the way you make a living, do what you love, and create a new future." 

I'm only a few pages into it so far, and a full review will come later, but I can already see that this is just the inspirational kind of thinking I needed. Rather than resorting to soul sucking and poorly paying work, I'm brainstorming ways to use my creative talents to come up with something else. Whoohooo!

I have no problem crediting a higher power here- Thank God I got this book right now, before my mind spiraled into gloomy and dark visions of minimum wage and crummy apartments in the hood. (Yes...I know...that's a bit dramatic, but that's how I tend to be.)

If you're not familiar with Guillebeau, you simply must check out his Art of Non-Conformity. He's a go getter with a fabulous outlook on life, who actually inspired my kids and I to tackle our plan to explore all 50 states before the oldest is 18. I can't wait to see what ideas come out of this book.

I'd also love to hear what creative and fun ways other people are coming up with to fund their life adventures. Inspiration is contagious and I certainly would love to catch and spread more of it. So....any ideas to share?

Screen Free Week

Did you realize that the average American preschooler spends 32 hours a week in front of a screen? Older kids spend even more time. That's almost a full time job!

It's officially Screen Free Week this week- April 30th to May 6th- and my family is taking part in the celebration.

Our TV probably gets a lot less use than your average American owned one, but I notice I've been relying on it more than I'd like to. If we're tired, we stare at the screen instead of reading, playing music or creating anything. Since we've had a crazy busy schedule lately, we've been tired a lot and books are sitting on the shelf unread, games are neglected and little creative work is popping up.

Facebook is it's own evil time sucker, which I'd considered giving up for Lent, but I opted for giving up bitterness instead. I think this is the time to wean myself away from the Facebook habit, and focus on things that I actually want to get done, and are probably more important than reading pointless status updates.

I think my family and I could use a little digital cleanse. 

Boy Child is not too excited, but I have a theory that attitudes change (like bad ones increase) with increase in media time. So, in the end, this detox will be good for him.

I'll still be blogging, because I consider it work, even if I make no money off it. I'm also in the midst of online writing classes in the UCLA Writing Program, so obviously I'll still be online. But, I'll be cutting out the extra- non work and non school related screen time, and so will my reluctant offspring. (I only mentioned the TV part so far, although it may extend to hand held game players as well. I just didn't want Boy Child to totally panic.)

What will we do instead? Hopefully, we'll play more games- indoor and out, read more books, and generally enjoy our animals, instruments and artsy stuff. There's lots more ideas here

Anyone else doing screen free week? I'd love to here about what your family does when the screens are off.

Ready To Fly

I was thankful for the break in the rain as I loaded my old Volvo station wagon and headed south towards the desert. My mind was heavy with questions about relationships, my job, my future. The car was packed to the roof with enough food for a small nation, and barely enough room for my two kids and a tent. 

I drove without a real agenda, with only a general idea of places we wanted to see. I had no idea where we would stay, only that we would travel along a very vague circular route through the southwest, and that we would not be coming back for more than a month. The trip was a lot like my life- without any clear plan as to where I was going. I just needed to journey in a different direction to see what was out there. So, I drove.

I drove, and drove. I drove for weeks. I can't say how many miles because the odometer in my old car had stopped working long ago. But this trip wasn't about the car, even though we lived out of it and slept in it more than once. It wasn't about counting miles either, even though we covered many thousands. This trip was about exploring and being free. Enjoying the journey was as important to the experience as any destination. We stopped for everything from Wild West theme shows to giant statues of road runners made out of garbage. I rarely drove more than a few hours in a day, and spent a few days discovering each place before moving on. As I drove, we talked. We talked about everything from the splendid sights all around to our dreams and goals for the future. No one asked "Are we there yet?" because we rarely knew where there was.

We watched the landscape constantly change, and oohed and aahed over the scenery. There was a daily chorus of "wow" from every seat as we became enamored with all that is out there. But, it wasn't all about beauty and wonder either. Navigating strange cities and countrysides, and setting up camp in a new place every few days was a lot of work. We were like pioneers, growing more competent in our skills all the time.

At night, we were at home and cozy in our tent, playing cards and reading stories aloud by lamp light and talking even more in the dark. As we laughed at silly jokes and bickered over who ate the last cookie, I was so glad to be able to spend this time with these kids.

I was asked more than once what possesses a 39 year old woman with a college education and a seemingly stable life to head into the the unknown for 5 weeks of sleeping on an air mattress. Sometimes the questioners were people who admired the spirit of adventure, and just as often, it was by someone who questioned both the sanity and the safety of a woman alone on the road with children. I never really had a clear answer for any of them. I could only say that I wanted to see the world with my kids, and hotels every night were not in the budget.

Before I set off, there was a big part of me that thought this trip would give me time to contemplate all the things in my life that were slowly sucking away at my soul. I imagined staring out at the desert, pondering life and finding direction. It turned out that it wasn't that kind of trip. 

Traveling without an itinerary does have the advantage of allowing spontaneity, but when children are involved, it requires a lot more thinking. If you are the only adult in charge, you not only have to find the way from point A to point B, but you also kind of have to make sure that they have a safe place to sleep each night and food to eat each day. It helps if that food is more than cookies and chips too, hence the overloaded Volvo. 

When you are busy packing up your nylon fabric home into your car and making choices about where to move next several times each week, the journey becomes one that is more about external exploration than internal. Children also tend to make noise, which in turn makes quiet contemplation rather difficult. But, somehow, without any conscious effort or realization, the internal work happened too. 

As I marveled at the giant 200 year old Saguaros and miles of sparkling White Sands, the seeds were being planted in my subconscious. Sitting in a 700 year old sacred Kiva at Bandelier and gazing over the marvelous Arches of rock, something sprouted in my heart. As I stared up in awe at the imposing cliffs of Zion and down in amazement at the pointed spires of Bryce Canyon, the seeds grew. By the time I watched the sun set over Death Valley, I somehow knew deep in my soul that I would be alright. We all would.

There was no logical plan or magical clear answers to any of the things I was supposed to be pondering, only a calm confidence that the same wonderful world that featured this incredible variety of magnificence, had fabulous things in store for me as well... if I would just give them the time and space to be. The rivers, the mountains, and the deserts- they all took time. No one forced the Grand Canyon or rushed the redwoods. Every place we went was different and marvelous in it's own way. They had grown, changed and evolved over time. To be honest, some of that process looked rather painful, but the results were just as they should be. The things didn't belong were eliminated, and they became their own unique wonders.

I came home not knowing exactly what my future would bring, but convinced that I needed to eliminate the things that didn't belong in my life. Change might be scary, but unlike the mountains, I don't have millions of years to grow into what I want to be. I have one short lifetime to find my unique beauty in. 

We came back feeling in love with the world. I was inspired to keep going and seeing more, traveling more with my children. We are planning to hit the road again in a few months, this time heading north. The trip that started it all also ended up inspiring me to do more things the naysayers would fret over. I cut my hours at my job and eliminated the most draining components. Of course that also eliminated a huge portion of my income, but it opened up a well of time and energy for other creative endeavors. I feel as free and endangered as the Condors nesting over the Colorado River- hatched in captivity and released into the wilds. I am spreading my wings and ready to fly. 


****This essay appeared on the Dave's Travel Corner website.

The Meal

Back in January, I chose the word "Explore" for my word of the year, and since we're two months into 2012, it's probably time to evaluate and see if I'm going anywhere with it.

So far, my exploring has been mostly been focused on art, writing, and money money schemes that don't include having a regular full time job (all completely legal and morally responsible, of course) I just finished a mini little art project from the folks over at the Art House Co op in Brooklyn- the same folks who inspired me to do the Traveling Sketchbook Project in January.

This current project was called "The Meal" and the idea was that people all over the globe get together at the same time to share a meal from wherever they are, and then take a picture of themselves, and their meal. The Art House people will then create an exhibition of the "global snack" photos.

The set time was noon in New York, but 3 hours earlier where I was. 9 AM isn't exactly early for me, but let's just say I prefer to avoid public appearances in the morning, and that includes photos. Timeliness isn't my strong point anyway.

Well, every time I tried shooting the photo with myself in it, I somehow captured that unsightly inner arm view- you know, the pale, wobbly, and very unflattering one that proves I should probably start some sort of upper body strength training before my arm flaps accidentally whack someone when they're flopping around unrestrained. It was very disturbing, indeed.

Anyway, we do a lot of reciprocal homeschooling around here, meaning the kids teach me as well as my teaching them. My amazing Girl Child taught me to use the timer on the camera so I could avoid the arm angle, and still get myself smiling with my meal. But by this time, I had cold coffee and low blood sugar grumpiness and still hadn't eaten. Ahhh- the things we endure for art!


Due to my hunger and caffeine withdrawals, my smile looked forced, and rather scary, and in the end, I still liked the photo of just the food. At least it was yummy when I finally got to eat it.

What creative endeavors are you up to this week?

Better Than Being Bitter

In the days leading up to Ash Wednesday, I'm usually doing a good deal of pondering what I will give up between now and Easter. I'm not Catholic, but have a good childhood friend who is, and introduced me to the concept of Lent back when I was a teenager. Voluntarily giving up something for 6 weeks as a means of spiritual growth just struck with me as something I could benefit from, and I've participated in some form or another for more years than not ever since.

Most years, it's something concrete that I give up. In the past, I've gone without things like:

*coffee, (my children have requested that I not do that again- apparently, it's unpleasant for the whole family) 

*meat (It was hard when I did it for Lent, but then I saw Food Inc last summer. It grossed me out so badly that I pretty much quit eating it altogether now anyway) 

*wine (I'm at a point in life where I feel I've both earned and benefit from the occasional glass more than I would from skipping it.)

*chocolate (yeah- that was just plain painful, but I did it)

Last year, I tried giving up something that wasn't so tangible, but was real, nonetheless. I went 40 days avoiding smack talk ( aka negative commentary.) To be honest, I don't think I would have attempted the feat if I hadn't been traveling with my kids for 5 of the 6 weeks. Not  that my kids don't ever talk smack- they do on occasion, but I try to squelch it. The helpful thing was that talking smack with kids just feels ickier than a session with the ladies, so it just didn't come into play as regularly. I certainly caught myself starting in on a negative rant more than once, but having the goal and the kids constantly present kept me from going very far with it.

This year, I have another intangible, but very real goal. Lent is about stretching and this will be a stretch for sure. I'm going to try to give up all things bitter. That's right- no more bitterness from me until Easter. (not that I plan on picking it back after the holiday, but just that I need a goal marker)

Some people who know me, but don't happen to live in the same home as I do, are under the impression that I am a cheerful person. (random trivia- my first name means "all honey") I suppose my cheeriness is mostly true, but internally, I'm also housing a whole lotta acidic, vinegary thoughts, and they bubble below doing unpleasant things to my heart, my soul and my mood, not to mention giving me scowl lines between my eyebrows, which will naturally make me even more bitter in the end. (More random trivia- my middle name means "bitter ocean" which may explain this "other side" of me) 

For the record, it's not like I'm bitter about just any old thing. There are just a few certain groups, situations and people who've done some things (and continue to) which are just not OK, and really tend to make me mad as heck. Since anger is the precursor to bitter, this is where I'm trying to start. 

I know that being mad at them doesn't fix anything. I also know that focusing on how justified I am in my anger just wastes my time and sucks my energy, both of which I should be directing into more productive avenues. Plus, the people I love get the brunt of my bad moods and that's just not fair.

In preparation for how hard this will be, I decided that I will nip any stray bitter thoughts in the butt by snapping a hair tie rubber band on my wrist whenever they pop up. Realistically, I know those thoughts will, and I'm hoping I'm ready.  

I even started my better than bitter plan a day early (which is traditionally Fat Tuesday, where you can go all out with a feast before Lent. I kindly opted to spare everyone the trauma and drama of my going hog wild with any bitter gorging, airing of grievances, etc. I think I'm growing already...) 

Well...as of this morning, I already have a small red mark on my wrist from the snapping. (It's surprising how often I think potentially bitter thoughts)

Two wise woman friends have mentioned that Lent is as much about what you add in as what you take out. In that light, I'm adding in some positive thoughts, meditations and writing prompts for myself every day of the season. Today, I found this whole page of quotes on anger, and they're just thing for me to reflect on as I start off this journey. 

I'm still wondering....what about all of those other "cheerful" people out there? Are they all really a bit bitter as well, but just good at concealing it from the public eye, or are they truly a peaceful, serene and full of joy as they appear? I'd love to hear responses from both the "happy" people and those who live with people like that. As I mentioned, my family has a slightly different impression of my personality than the outside world.

So, if you happen to see me in the next few weeks with large puffy marks on my wrist, you'll know why. It's not an allergic reaction or some form of self mutilation. It's just part of my attempts at becoming a nicer person, and it's better than being bitter. Wish me luck....

A Moment To Yourself

“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.” ~Etty Hillesum

For the second time in a week, the gas light comes on in my car. I’m busy, as usual, and so I push it a little farther, run just a few more errands. But I know that I do need to stop and refill before too long, or I will be left on the side of the road. I’ve been stranded before, and have learned my lesson.

Most of us know that when our cars try to tell us they need something, we had better respond or they won’t get us to our destinations.

We usually have some respect for red warning lights on the dashboard, and at least check out the problem. Unfortunately, it’s not always so easy to see our own signals.

Our bodies and minds don’t come with bright red warning lights, but they do give us signals when they’re running low.

Some of these signals are more obvious than others. When we’re hungry, we might be able to skip a meal occasionally, relying on snacks to get us by, but we all know that at some point, we need to eat real food.

We might be able to miss a few hours of sleep as well, and make it through the next day, but we can’t simply expect our bodies to keep performing without rest.

We may be able to survive in a grumpier and lesser performing fashion when we have less than optimal amounts of food and sleep, but we all know that we can’t skip those needs altogether.

But, what about the other needs that aren’t so obvious? Everyone has probably heard about the benefits of spending some time alone just to think and to gather their own thoughts.

If you work, go to school, have a roommate, spouse or children, this time probably isn’t easy to come by. It’s probably also more important than ever.

Lately, I’ve noticed just how important this need for solitude is to me. As a writer who works at home, as well as a homeschooling mother, I am blessed with lots of time with my family. What I’m lacking severely is time to myself.

Between errands, online college classes, a part-time job, volunteering, and meeting the needs of everyone else, I often end up neglecting my own need for a moment to myself to think, breathe, read, write, draw, paint, or do anything that helps me relax.

Ironically, I often find myself wasting ridiculous amounts of time stressing out about how little time I have.

Rather than using the snippets of time I do have to myself by relaxing—which is what I should be doing—I fester about how I never have enough of these moments or a long enough stretch of time, and blah, blah blah, the complaining ensues.

The very thing that I stress about is time—not having enough of it. But then, in a total self-defeating way, I blow the limited time I did have by stewing about how imperfect it is.

I know that a bit of solitude is a beautiful thing and it works wonders for me when I let it. When I neglect that need for time alone, I find myself feeling cranky and distracted, just as though I had skipped a meal.

I know I’m not the only one who forsakes solitude in an effort to keep up with the demands of life. Running on empty seems to be a modern epidemic. The solution is as simple as realizing that self time is just as real of a need as food or sleep, and honoring that need by allowing ourselves to relax in our brief moments of solitude.

Often we’ll have to consciously carve out those moments, and they may be brief, but the rewards will be worth it. A bit of beautiful solitude rejuvenates and gives the strength needed to go back out and tackle whatever the world has in store for us.

Where will you find a moment for yourself today—and what will do with it?

(This was a piece that I recently had published as guest blog post on the Tiny Buddha site. )

We Bite

As much as I like to avoid an insanely busy life, that is what it appears I am going to have for the next few weeks. My new Essay Writing Class through UCLA is chock full of massive amounts of homework, and I imagine that most of my writing time will be devoted to that endeavor. It's a good class with a helpful instructor and I'm sure the writing workout will be great for me, so I'm not complaining.

Since I don't want to completely neglect my blog, I'm just going to share some photos when I don't have the time to write.

Today's photo is: "We Bite"

I think many of my homeschooling and mama friends can relate. We are, after all, very protective of our nests.

Too Much TV?

I've never been a big fan of TV.

OK, that's not true. I actually grew up glued to a screen, and a ridiculous amount of my brain space is taken up by commercial jingles and sitcoms from the late 70's and early 80's. If there were ever a random trivia contest where I could win a million dollars knowing the dialogue for every Brady Bunch episode, it's quite possible that I'd be rich.

In college, I would fall asleep watching reruns of shows that were older than me, but when I eventually grew up and had kids of my own, I questioned the constant presence of television. Perhaps it was partially maternal instinct, or maybe it was an effect of granola crunching area I lived in at the time. In any case, I sensed that TV and kids weren't a good mix.

As a semi-self righteous new mom, most of what I saw on kids TV seemed relatively brainless or obnoxious, and I really had no desire to defile the brains of my offspring with such garbage. I eventually succumbed to the lure of the small bit of freedom and time that a PBS Kids show or two could buy me, but it was very, very limited. Plus, I recalled my marketing classes, and the "whine factor" that companies wanted their toys to create, so I stuck with no commercials at least.

For the most part, I've managed to be a TV snob for the last 14 years. We managed to live in a happy little box of our own with very little TV influence for a long, long time. Of course life changes, and so do things, especially things I get on a soap box about.

Lately, some of my days involve so much driving and running around that we are exhausted and brain dead when we get home. Now that winter has finally hit with a vengeance, we have times of being cooped up and feeling lazy. We have a house full of creative materials, which we use, but within a couple of hours, the inspiration or motivation runs low, and it's too cold, too rainy and overall too nasty to go outside. Then, I start thinking about the rot box.

Boy Child is always happy to turn it on, while Girl Child is more likely to be checking the handy function which will tell us exactly how much screen time we've had in a day, week or whatever, and informing me of it.

It never seems like it's been on as long as it has, which is probably how people end up watching the enormous amounts of TV you hear about in statistics. In my defense, we're nowhere near the national average, and it's usually educational-ish, so I can at least count some of it as homeschooling, but still....it's TV.

After years of (sort of smugly) saying "We don't really watch TV," I'm wondering if I can still honestly say that anymore. I don't think watching a documentary is the same as a reality show, but technically, we're still staring at a TV screen. Since the handy screen time tracking feature has shown that we do in fact, use the TV more than ever, I guess I should probably at least lose the raised nose / downward cast glances about the subject.

Parents in general, and homeschooling parents in particular seem to swing widely in opinions on TV. Is it a tool, or is it trash? How much is too much? Does it interfere with more creative endeavors? Does it increase bad attitudes and materialistic envy? What does your family do when it comes to watching? Since the box is obviously open for good in my house, I'd love to hear how other parents deal.

New Year, New Look

Since the New Year is a natural time for change, I decided to ring in 2012 with a new look for my dear old blog. Yes, I realize that it's already over a week into the new year, so I'm a bit late on the ring in, but that's just how I roll sometimes. 

When I started my "Blah, Blah, Blog" I named it after my Dear Husband's fond way of impersonating me chatting with the ladies. Apparently, our blabbing sounds something like "Blah, Blah, Blah" with random inserts of  cackling laughter. I thought it was a witty title, but later discovered there were a few other blogs with the same name. I hate it when I'm not as clever as I thought.

Anyway...I also started off with a focus of writing about homeschooling and family life. Those are still a big part of my writing, just as they are a huge part of my life. But these days, I find my blogging has grown to include travel, exploration, adventure, art, writing and all sorts of empowered living ideas. Since we're a life living, funschooling sort of homeschool family, this all kind of rolls into the package anyway.

It's an eclectic assortment, but the theme seems to revolve around enjoying life. For many of us, that means consciously escaping all the downer forces trying to box us into a conventional lifestyle. Too often, we do things that suck the joy out of our existence, operating under the assumption that we have to assimilate. Well, we don't. Escape is possible.

Escape is less about running away, and more about finding what makes you smile and laugh. What brings you joy? It's about learning what's really important to you, not to your neighbors and friends, but to you, and making that your priority.

Of course life has it's ups and downs, and we all have to deal with our share of things we'd rather not. But the point is, life can be a lot more fun if you let go of the idea that you have to do things just because it seems everyone else is doing them. It's your life. You might as well enjoy it.

I hope you like the new look and the expanded focus. Thanks for coming along on the journey!

OCD Meets ADHD- My Post Holiday De-Cluttering

Every year around holidays, I start getting a mad urge to get rid of some of the excess stuff that clutters my home and life. I think this started somewhere in my first years of parenting when I realized that the holidays would mean an onslaught of plastic, noisy, blinking, flashing stuff that my beloved and well meaning relatives felt my children needed.

Of course I've tried talking to the gift bearers, assuring them of the appreciation, but noting the maxed square footage of my home and the unlikelihood that we would be adding on rooms to accommodate toys. Many responded with gifts of lessons, outings or things that took up less physical space, but still, the holidays mean stuff, and probably quite a bit of it, is coming our way.

So, I begin trying to thin the stuff before the gifts start coming in, but with the busyness of the season, I still have lots to do afterward. That's what Boxing Day is for. The holiday always lands the day after Christmas and, in case you haven't heard of it, actually has nothing to do with the sport of boxing. Although a few too many family holiday gatherings may inspire you to pull out the gloves, Boxing Day is actually a traditional European holiday where the wealthy give boxes of goodies to their servants.

I'm not in Europe, not wealthy, and don't have servants (although someday, I really hope to have a maid, but that's another story.) That's OK, because I usually turn holidays into what I want them to be anyway. Besides, I understand that these days, it's mostly just a day that banks and government offices are closed, and in Canada, it's a shopping day equivalent to Black Friday in the states. I guess the gift is that it's a paid federal holiday and you can score some bargain electronics.

In my tradition of making up my own traditions, I've make it Boxing Week for my personal use, and I use the time to box up stuff I no longer want or need and get  it out of my life one way or another. I donate the good stuff and recycle what I can. My car is loaded multiple times to go to the thrift shop (and the donations are covered so that none of my household can get nostalgic and suddenly want something that was destined to bless someone else who does not live with me.

I recycle what I can, but the rest, I toss. I've learned to let go of the idea that somebody could use a perfectly good t shirt with one small ketchup stain. I no longer hold onto it to wear while gardening as I don't want to look like a big ratty slob, even when pulling weeds. These days, if it's trash and I'm in clean up mode, it's outta here. It's the only time of year that my trash can actually goes to the curb full.

This year, my de-cluttering rampage seemed more intense than ever. I was a roaring hurricane, tearing through rooms, emptying cupboards and drawers, sorting, tossing and basically making complete disasters everywhere I went. I suppose a professional would finish one area before moving on to the next, but I am clearly not a professional. It was like OCD meets ADHD with some caffeine thrown in for good measure, and it probably frightened the children.

I had recently read some stories from one of those organizational experts which gave numerous examples of people holding onto all kinds of sentimental clutter, and when they let it go, somehow the universe opened up all these new windows of opportunity for them.

I love these kind of mystical whoo hoo ideas, and realized that I've been holding on to oodles of old journals, artwork and papers of all kinds. It's like I had a small forests worth of paper, and when I looked, I really did not care in the least about much of it.

I thought the journals might contain some profound writings I could use or pass on to my offspring, but as I waded through the pages, I realized a couple of things.

1) I seem to journal much more when angry or sad than when happy, and if anyone read these in the future, I may be taken for a miserable and bitter person.

2) I had no desire to muck through the unpleasantness and relive it for some bits of wit or wisdom here and there. Forget that. I'll just have to come up with new and better stuff.

3) I've been complaining about a lot of the same stuff for years. I need to quit wanking or do something about things that bug me or move on.

With this in mind, I hauled them out to the fire pit and burned them on New Years eve. I also got rid of tons of old art of my own. I kept the pieces I like, but there were a lot of old college art projects that I never liked in the first place, but have packed around with me for years. Now, they're ash, along with pounds of old financial papers like car loans for vehicles we no longer own, 15 year old taxes and more.

The wonderful thing is, I feel a bazillion pounds lighter. I had no idea this stuff was such a weight on me, but my shoulders lift just thinking about it being gone. I bet if I were to measure myself, I'd be standing taller.

I sure hope the mystical organizer is right and wonderful new opportunities will come my way now that the old clutter and junk is going away. In any case,  things are looking better around here and I feel free and able to focus on the days ahead.

Maintenance of this reduced clutter world, will of course be another story.

Looking Back Before Looking Ahead

I love the start of a New Year- it's like a clean canvas ready to be painted. Most years, I'm just so ready to look ahead that I barely look back. But this year, messages to reflect on 2011 were coming at me from so many directions, I figured it must be a sign I needed to do it.

Chris Guillebeau, author of The Art of Nonconformity and travel guy extraordinaire gave me the first nudge to do an annual year end review. It's a pretty simple process- looking at what worked and what didn't in the previous year.

Jennifer Lee, of the Right Brain Business Plan and super creative lady in general came up with a cool Exploding Box Year in Review idea along with questions about what you're proud of and what you learned.

The idea that I needed to reflect and think before moving on came from other sources as well, and so, I listened. I realized that in a way, 2011 was a year of reflection. I spent some much needed time on taking care of myself, learning, thinking and growing.

Between being a full time homeschooling mom with a part time job, volunteering, trying to write and make art, running a bazillion errands and meeting so many other people's needs, it took some conscious effort to prioritize myself. But I realized that self care wasn't selfish if it prevented me from freaking out and being a mean mom, bad worker, and general flake with a negative attitude.

One thing that worked wonderfully last year was taking my 2 kids and a tent on a five week 4000 + mile road trip to explore the southwest. It was the first leg of a master plan to tackle 50 States in the next 5 Years (4 years now since 2011 is gone) and every day we found ourselves exclaiming "WOW!" over the amazingness of it all. The idea of a woman alone on the road with kids led to mixed reactions- some people were excited and encouraging of the adventure and others were simply concerned for our safety and my sanity.

Seven states and 13 National Parks later, I'll admit, we did occasionally get lost, had some minor car issues, and were snowed on and froze a few times, but we also saw incredible sights, met interesting people, and fell in love with exploring this beautiful world. If you ever have the chance to follow a dream with kids, I'd say "Go for it!"

Traveling together is something we will definitely be doing more of in 2012.

Refocusing my energy to reduce soul sucking, time wasting endeavors and to include more creative efforts also worked well. I wrote more, created more art, and earned a scholarship to the UCLA Writers Program. I found that the more I submitted my work to the world, the more success I had (I was rejected too, of course, but the successes were enough to inspire me to keep moving in that direction.)

Restructuring my living space and getting rid of literally hundreds of pounds of things I didn't really want or need was a lot of work, but feels amazing. I tossed, recycled and donated things that were cluttering my home and my life. I organized what mattered and made a space that's much more conducive to creativity and family life, which is just what an artsy homeschooling mama needs. More creative projects are on the way in 2012 for sure.

What I'm most proud of is the amazing people that my kids are. I feel both honored and blessed to have them in my life, and am so thankful for the fun times we have together.

Things that didn't work so well mostly related to being scatterbrained, procrastinating or not paying attention. I can see that focusing, prioritizing, and time management need to be on the agenda in the upcoming year, especially if I want to do amazing and creative things.

The last night of 2011, I spent celebrating with my hubby and kids. We ate black eyed peas and cornbread over a bonfire that burned old journals and papers from the past, and talked about what was to come. The kids and I wrote letters to ourselves to be opened in a year. Then they built a giant marble run using every piece in the set and featuring 4 separate drop points so we could all drop our own ball at midnight. I sat down with glue, scissors and magazines and created a collage of my reflections.

We all ate sweet things and drank bubbly things and rang in the New Year with noise and merriment. Boy Child decided to jump in the unheated pool despite the fact that it was 43 degrees outside. I've never seen that kid swim so fast in my life!

My word for 2011 was "Enjoy." I think for 2012 I'll go with "Explore"- it works for all sorts of things- travel, art, personal life and whatever else comes my way. I'm glad I took the time to look back at the lessons of the last year.  The next few days will be for looking ahead, and I'm feeling more ready than ever for dreaming and scheming to make 2012 full of amazing adventures.

Happy New Year!

Teacher Vs. Facilitator

I've been thinking lately about what exactly makes a good teacher, and it's not a degree or certificate, that’s for sure. People who've earned those pieces of paper may have gained all sorts of knowledge, but it certainly doesn't guarantee that they'll be any good at teaching. 

I would guess that most of us have had teachers who were awesome, who loved their jobs and the material they were teaching, who wanted to share that love with their students. But, most likely, we’ve also all had teachers who simply should have been doing something else besides torturing students and killing any interest or joy in learning- the ones who don't even seem to like students, but seem determined to spread misery. 

When a family makes the choice to homeschool, the parents are often questioned as to their capability to teach, as if having that piece of paper is the only way they could handle teaching their kid. The fact that they studied fashion or business in college, or...heaven forbid...they didn't go to college, makes them incapable of sharing any other knowledge. 

The pressure comes from within too. Years ago, a good friend told me she "didn't feel qualified" to homeschool her child. The friend had an engineering degree and her child was three years old. Seriously.....it was preschool, as in colors and counting, not rocket science for goodness sakes. Like most kids, this one was sent off to professionals, and fortunately most of them have been decent so far.

Other kids I know have been subjected to teachers who've humiliated and labeled them, and pretty much convinced them that they're stupid. The kids aren't stupid, just bored or wiggley or interested in something besides what the teacher is trying to make them learn. I’ve been pretty judgmental about bad teachers in the past, but I also think that a large part of the problem is in the very system itself.

Having sat on both sides of the teachers desk, I know without a doubt that the students I enjoy most are those who actually have an interest and want to be there. 

Excitement is certainly contagious - if the teacher is excited, the sentiment is likely to spread. The key to it all is interest though. If the students genuinely don't want to be there, but they feel forced into it, then they aren’t going to learn in any real, meaningful or long term way. So, in that scenario, what exactly is the point? It's a waste of everyone's time.

It's great when a teacher wins over reluctant sudents, although it's a lot easier when the students actually wanted to be involved in the first place.

When "students" start out uninterested, and remain so, well... everyone involved (teacher, other students, and the one who doesn’t give a hoot) would all be better off if that reluctant person chose to spend their time someplace else. The trouble in many instances is that the student does not have any choice- they have to be there. The thing is... you can sometimes force a person into a learning environment, but you cannot force them to learn. Even if you succeed in coercing them into memorizing facts or passing a test, you can’t “make them” remember long term, nor can you make them care.

It's not just with kids either. Besides homeschooling my own kids and teaching a few homeschool classes, I also teach Childbirth Ed and Breastfeeding classes to adults. Most of my students are willing- at least the moms, some of the dad's were drug there, and you can tell. I try to make it fun for them, and generally win them over, but once in a while, they just aren't into it. Personally, not to be rude, but if they don't want to stay, I prefer if they skip it then. If someone is coerced into coming and spends the class texting, rolling their eyes and sighing the whole time, it's not exactly joyful for me, or the person sitting next to them.

I've realized that I prefer to be in a role of facilitator rather than teacher. The difference isn’t just the wording. It’s also the attitude. I don’t feel the need for any of my "students" to take an exact piece of knowledge from the material. I don’t need to test them to see if they learned what I wanted them too. Instead, I’m interested in what was important to them--- what they did learn. 

I want to know what my students, whether children or adults, are interested in and to help them find the answers. We all take away different bits and pieces based on what’s important and matters to us. I want them to get concepts and understand processes- to question and think. I don’t want them to just fill in bubbles and parrot what I tell them.

In my recent experiences of teaching kids other than my own, I enjoyed it so much that I briefly considered getting a teaching credential someday. Then, I thought about the hoops and constraints and frustrations of trying to force feed prescribed material to non willing kids. No thanks. I don't think it's a system I'd fit into very well. 

I think I'll stick with being a freestyle facilitator. I can bring interesting material and have fun sharing ideas and projects of my choosing. I have the flexibility to adapt and change things based on the individuals and the group I'm working with. The students enjoy the time, and so do I. 

For parents who are afraid you aren't qualified to teach, you might try facilitating instead. 

Yes, yes, I know that at some point there are things they "have" to learn. But if you can be flexible on when and how, and trust the students, you might have a lot more fun, and be amazed at what everyone picks up in the process.